Saturday, November 1, 2008

So much for the saying ...NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS!

Well, we waited all day for the call from the doctor, they had warned us that it may not be until Monday before the lab could get the reports back to us but we were hopeful that we would not have to wait that long. At 4:40pm the phone rang and it was my Primary care doctor just reporting that he hadn't heard anything either and he would for sure call me first thing Monday morning. I have always heard the old saying "no news is good news" but for some reason I didn't think it was going to apply in our situation. So we decided to try to go on and keep things as normal as possible. Amy,John and Angie came down to stay and trick or treat with us and go to a Halloween Party too. It felt good to be among friends and pretend for just a moment that life was normal.

I slept really well last night and that in and of itself was a miracle, between pain and fear...sleep doesn't come that easy. Then at 7:30am I woke up in a panic, my heart was racing and my thoughts were out of control. I was so scared, it kinda shocked me. I had to get up and get moving, to get my head in the right place. It just felt like something bad was going to happen, I kept telling myself that is is Saturday Lynn, you aren't going to get any more bad news till at least Monday. Then at 8:45am the phone rang, Amy answered and said it was the Radiologist. I asked her to please run and wake up Jeff and then I took the call.  Dr. Jacobs sounded so sad, he said that he had made a special trip in today, just to see if he could get me any results so that I didn't have to wait on pins and needles all weekend. I thanked him for that and then he apologized to me and told me that only part of the labs were back but what they did have, wasn't good. Both of the tumors that they did a biopsy on were both malignant or positive for Cancer. He said that he didn't have any information on the lump node or any details on the tumors ...such as size, growth rate, type and if they had spread to other areas or not. He told he was so sorry  and that he would contact me on Monday, I said a numb thanks and hung up.

For some reason,it didn't seem as devastating as the night of the biopsy and the finding of the 2nd tumor and lump node that look suspicious. I really think that night that Jeff and I knew it was indeed cancer and that it wasn't good. All Dr. Jacobs did was confirm our fears. So once again we have to fight and beat Cancer, I think we need to go back to calling it RECNAC again, we like that word better. The rest of the day was spent playing with Angie, calling our family and trying once again to do anything that was normal.

But  it is late, I am so tired still from this Mono and my incisions are hurting , now it seems BIGGER THAN ME again. I need to remember to be strong, it is what we all need. Knowing that the kids need to see their mom smile, and be strong is a good reason for me to try to be in control and be hopeful. They need that and I need that. It is interesting how we all just want to be together, it was hard to have Amy, John and Angie go back to their house tonight, that little cute RED head just brightens up our day being with her. One of the hardest things is having Brad so far away man, we miss him and worry about him. These type of things are so tough to go through when you are that many miles away from each other. But we keep calling him and making sure he knows just what is going on and how much we love him, still this type of news is wearing. We pray that he and Krystal will ok.

I wish that I could have personally called each of you to tell you this news and to tell you thank you for your love, friendship, prayers and kindness but... that would be impossible. Please know that we are thinking of you. I will head to bed but here is a quote that I once read from a mother who was trying to support her husband who had cancer.

"I KNEW WE HAD ROUGH DAYS AHEAD, BUT I ALSO KNEW THAT MY FAITH WOULD ALWAYS BE MORE CONTAGIOUS THAN ANY DISEASE THAT COULD STRIKE OUR FAMILY. I WOULD KEEP IT IN MY HEART AND I WOULD DISPLAY IT MY MY ACTIONS. EVIDENCE FOR GOD-AND EVERYONE -TO SEE."    ---------Jeanette Doyle Parr

"FAITH IS TO BELIEVE WHAT WE DO NOT SEE; THE REWARD OF THIS FAITH IS TO SEE WHAT WE BELIEVE."            -------------Saint Augustine

Good night and thank you!

9 comments:

Carolyn Cox said...

I have been checking all day for a post, and I am glad that you were able to post tonight. I know that it seemed like the "recnac" was back anyways, but it still isn't easy to hear for sure. We love you, and we'll keep all of your family in our prayers. You are such a strong positive influence on so many people, and I know you'll continue to be! Thanks for keeping in touch.

Love,
Carolyn

Julie N. said...

Looked at your post a couple of times yesterday and then as the day went on I thought I guess we will know on Monday. I just read it...and you are an amazing example of strength and faith and love and devotion. All of you are in our prayers and I hope we can talk soon. Love you!

Adam & Leesha Wickern said...

Hi there Lynn, I am sorry to hear the pain you are going through. I spoke with Amy yesterday and it is good to hear that you are all doing your best to stay strong. Amy invited us to participate in the fast today and I am very grateful for that opportunity. My mom wanted me to tell you Hi and that she loves you and is praying for you as well. :)

JudyMarie said...

Thank you for thinking of others at a time like this! However, how grateful I am for technology like this for keeping in touch.
I have been checking your blogg (like everyone else) to hear from you.
You may not feel like it, but your strength and faith come through in all you say in a marvelous way.
May you and your family feel the great love of the Lord and the love of all of us who love you.
God bless you tonight and always.
Love , Judy in Kentucky

Megan and Mike said...

Hey Lynn, I just found your blog through Amy and my heart just dropped when i read your blog. I immediately called Amy to see how she was doing. I was at the Temple yesterday and i placed your name down for the pray roll. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I'll be seeing you in November when my little Jaeger Crew comes up for Thanksgiving.

Lara and Jayson said...

Lynn, you are a hope and inspiration. I was just thinking about you on Friday because I wore that Orange Crush MK lipstick you gave me as part of my Halloween costume :) You and your sweet family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

raish clan said...

Thank you for keeping us all posted. Our family began our fast today for your family. We will continue to do so each month. You truly are an inspiration and example to us. You are a miracle to us and we fast for miracles for you. We love you so dearly my dear friend. You are one of the strongest people I know.

Erin said...

Hey this is Erin Bowler, I was on the phone with my mom last night and she told me the news. I ran across you blog through Amy's. I just want you to know you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.

JENNY said...

You are the strongest and most faithful person I know...You have a great sense of humor and a beautiful smile. I love you and am praying for you... "bring on the rain." "tomorrow's another day"