Well, we waited all day for the call from the doctor, they had warned us that it may not be until Monday before the lab could get the reports back to us but we were hopeful that we would not have to wait that long. At 4:40pm the phone rang and it was my Primary care doctor just reporting that he hadn't heard anything either and he would for sure call me first thing Monday morning. I have always heard the old saying "no news is good news" but for some reason I didn't think it was going to apply in our situation. So we decided to try to go on and keep things as normal as possible. Amy,John and Angie came down to stay and trick or treat with us and go to a Halloween Party too. It felt good to be among friends and pretend for just a moment that life was normal.
I slept really well last night and that in and of itself was a miracle, between pain and fear...sleep doesn't come that easy. Then at 7:30am I woke up in a panic, my heart was racing and my thoughts were out of control. I was so scared, it kinda shocked me. I had to get up and get moving, to get my head in the right place. It just felt like something bad was going to happen, I kept telling myself that is is Saturday Lynn, you aren't going to get any more bad news till at least Monday. Then at 8:45am the phone rang, Amy answered and said it was the Radiologist. I asked her to please run and wake up Jeff and then I took the call. Dr. Jacobs sounded so sad, he said that he had made a special trip in today, just to see if he could get me any results so that I didn't have to wait on pins and needles all weekend. I thanked him for that and then he apologized to me and told me that only part of the labs were back but what they did have, wasn't good. Both of the tumors that they did a biopsy on were both malignant or positive for Cancer. He said that he didn't have any information on the lump node or any details on the tumors ...such as size, growth rate, type and if they had spread to other areas or not. He told he was so sorry and that he would contact me on Monday, I said a numb thanks and hung up.
For some reason,it didn't seem as devastating as the night of the biopsy and the finding of the 2nd tumor and lump node that look suspicious. I really think that night that Jeff and I knew it was indeed cancer and that it wasn't good. All Dr. Jacobs did was confirm our fears. So once again we have to fight and beat Cancer, I think we need to go back to calling it RECNAC again, we like that word better. The rest of the day was spent playing with Angie, calling our family and trying once again to do anything that was normal.
But it is late, I am so tired still from this Mono and my incisions are hurting , now it seems BIGGER THAN ME again. I need to remember to be strong, it is what we all need. Knowing that the kids need to see their mom smile, and be strong is a good reason for me to try to be in control and be hopeful. They need that and I need that. It is interesting how we all just want to be together, it was hard to have Amy, John and Angie go back to their house tonight, that little cute RED head just brightens up our day being with her. One of the hardest things is having Brad so far away man, we miss him and worry about him. These type of things are so tough to go through when you are that many miles away from each other. But we keep calling him and making sure he knows just what is going on and how much we love him, still this type of news is wearing. We pray that he and Krystal will ok.
I wish that I could have personally called each of you to tell you this news and to tell you thank you for your love, friendship, prayers and kindness but... that would be impossible. Please know that we are thinking of you. I will head to bed but here is a quote that I once read from a mother who was trying to support her husband who had cancer.
"I KNEW WE HAD ROUGH DAYS AHEAD, BUT I ALSO KNEW THAT MY FAITH WOULD ALWAYS BE MORE CONTAGIOUS THAN ANY DISEASE THAT COULD STRIKE OUR FAMILY. I WOULD KEEP IT IN MY HEART AND I WOULD DISPLAY IT MY MY ACTIONS. EVIDENCE FOR GOD-AND EVERYONE -TO SEE." ---------Jeanette Doyle Parr
"FAITH IS TO BELIEVE WHAT WE DO NOT SEE; THE REWARD OF THIS FAITH IS TO SEE WHAT WE BELIEVE." -------------Saint Augustine
Good night and thank you!