The Question?

A lot of my friends have been asking me lately..."Is Jeff is going to lose his job?" It has been all over the news about the cut backs. He was told that a 1/3 of their division is going to be laid off and so, that is all we know for now. The date to announce the lay offs is on the 19th of this month. The next question we are asked is..."are you nervous and what will you do?" The answer is "No, not yet" and " we will some how make it and be fine". I have to rely on evidence of what has happened to us in the past when we have been laid off, which has been more than once! It has been tough, scary at times, and hard, but somehow we have always had enough to take care of our family and each time we got a new job it was an upgrade from the last! So...... I know even though it will be hard and frightening at times, that we will weather the storm once again and be alright.

I read  the other day an article by Kathy Wright, it was about a couple who went through unemployment. They compared it to being in a sail boat in smooth waters to dead in the water. In this article she mentioned that sometimes we may not always have a wind blowing our sailboat... but when the wind stops, we need to be willing to row until the wind returns. I really like that analogy and I liked the points that she brought up about how to handle it. I will share them with you in case anyone else is having this challenge or may have it soon.

1. Start Rowing...Even if the pay is not what you are accustomed to, working at temporary jobs will  bring in some income and help keep your spirits up.

2. Be Cautiously Optimistic...We found it wise to hope and pray for the best but prepare for the worst. In a time of uncertainty, it's best to be cautious. Ask yourself, "What do we need to do to survive if this lasts very long?" Identifying essential needs--like food and shelter--helps you avoid putting them at risk.

3. Money Isn't the Only Essential...In the midst of your hard work and concern, it can be easy to overlook  your family's spiritual and emotional needs. We suggest talking to your children frequently about their lives. How are they doing? What are their concerns? What needs of theirs are not being met?

4. Blessings from the Trial...Although I could never imagine it at the time, I now look back at this period of unemployment as one of the greatest times in my life--not because of the hardships, but because of the spiritual growth I felt. We relearned that God is real and He does hear and answer our prayers.

"How often do we not do more because we pray for wind and none comes? We pray for good things and they don't seem to happen, so we sit and wait and do no more. We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impressions to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of." ~ John H. Groberg

More Pain!

For the past 3 years I have been having some pain in my knees off and on, I have tried hard to not complain about it and try to ignore it. Then last year, I noticed that it hurt a bit more to go up and down the stairs and that my knees were making noise at the same time. The past few months the pain has seemed to get worse and then right before my trip back East, I started feeling a tearing sensation when I would squat down and then it would burn for hours right under the knee caps. This past week it has gotten even worse and weak and so today I went to an Orthopedic Doctor to find out what was going on? I tried to wish it away but I knew I couldn't. I was even worried that it may be some kind of cancer in my bones, I have to do an MRI tomorrow to see more details but we don't think it is that. ( that is a common survivor's worry ) The doctor told me that the problem is in my knee caps and it is a common thing with women. ( I don't know why, will think to ask that tomorrow ) It is called Chondromalacia Patellae, it is where there is something that happened to the muscles or ligaments that call them to pull too hard or not hard enough. When that happens, the kneecap no longer glides easily against the thighbone. Pressure may be spread unevenly on the back of the kneecap, causing wear and tear on the cartilage. My kneecap is located too far to the right and that he says throws off everything. My gate ( or my walk ) is effected by that and that too... could be adding to a lot of my back pain. He also said that I had a lot of arthritis in both knees. The good news is that it is a common problem and usually the treatment is nonsurgical but includes rehabilitation and taking anti-inflammatories. The bad news is...he thinks my knee problem is more severe than what rehab could improve, and that I will have to have some type of surgery to correct it, then rehab.

So tonight, I have to say that I am pretty down and discouraged. We don't know all the information yet, but we are pretty for sure that I am going to have to have more surgery. It hasn't even been a year since my mastectomy...how can I be falling apart this fast? I just want to stop hurting, I want to go on with life, I want to look forward to things....I am not sure where to go from here?

Thanks for listening, I will get through this too, but for now...I am hurting, sad and afraid of what else I am going to have to go through. Life is tough, certainly worth it, but tough. I  pray that once again I will be given the whatever it is going to take, to meet this next trial.

I wonder if the author of the nursery rhyme Humpty Dumpty was a kid who had a mother like me, :) it does seem like when we get one thing fixed ...something else falls apart. Maybe that is why I can relate to this nursery rhyme so much. Didn't say that I liked it but that I can relate to it!

Good night dear friends and thanks again for all your thoughts and prayers, heaven knows I need them.

I have to look at this card Lauren and Amy made for me and remember it is true!

"It is not a question of God allowing or not allowing things to happen. It is part of living. Some things we do to ourselves, other things we do to each other. Our Father knows about every bird which falls to the ground, but He does not always prevent it from falling. What are we to learn from this? That our response to what happens is more important than what happens. Here is a mystery: one man’s experience drives him to curse God, while another man’s identical experience drives him to bless God. Your response to what happens is more important than what happens." –Chip Brogden

"Adversity introduces a man to himself." --Unknown

Remembering!

I heard on the radio as I was driving today, a woman telling her story and asking for a song to be dedicated for her and her family. She mentioned that she had been in and out of the hospital for the past week, and tonight she and her family were a bit worried because the test results will be coming in tomorrow. The radio announcer was kind and compassionate and told her that she would pray... that everything would come out already for them tomorrow. I was grateful to hear this DJ not promise her that things would be alright, but that she would pray that they would be alright. I guess I like that better, because when we do that we are seeking for the additional strength we need from the ONLY source that can give it to us like that.

I remember well this time last year when I was going back in for additional tests. There were people that told me that they were sure that everything was going to be fine and that I shouldn't worry. Now having had cancer twice, I have learned that no one should predict your future...good or bad. I try to be way more conscience now, on how I respond to people. I know that they are worried sick about what the test result might be, it is the unknown that is unbelievable, and that waiting period is the worst. I remember how hard it was to decorate for Halloween  because I was so nervous about going in for further testing. I knew what that could mean so I was already scared. I now know things like saying  "I know for sure it will be alright or that you are probably worrying for no reason, are not something I should say. The truth is... we don't know what is coming next, but no one is offended when you hear someone say..." I will pray that everything will work out for you". Yes,everything will work out but it doesn't mean you won't have to go to you know where and back first.

This year as I am coming closer to my year mark, I have noticed that I am getting a bit nervous. I am not sure why exactly? Maybe because I am afraid that if I get comfortable and relaxed in my life that something will happen again like it did last year. Just when I was excited to be getting ready to celebrate 7 years on being cancer free, then it hit me again. I know that it isn't much of a life to always be looking over your shoulder to see if and when cancer is going to return. But it is also a bit nerve racking to stop thinking about it and starting to enjoy life again, it almost seems too good to be true. But I realize I need to start having more fun, start living more, start planning things more and pray (myself) that everything will turn alright. Life isn't probably ever going to be easy for me, but I just pray to be made equal to what ever task it is that I am to handle in the future. I also  pray that I will not worry to much about the future and enjoy each day.

So for now, I will keep looking at this sweet baby of ours, and remember the small and simple things in life. Remember to stay in the here and now, so I can enjoy each minute of each person, each day and each season.

Thanks for letting me share my thoughts and feelings with you. What an incredible part you have played in my life and for that I am Eternally grateful. Good night dear friends.

 

"The problem of life is to change worry into
thinking and anxiety into creative action."   ~ Harold B. Walker

Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen.
Keep in the sunlight."  ~ Benjamin Franklin 

"If you believe that feeling bad or worrying long enough will change a past or future event, then you are residing on another planet with a different reality system."  ~ William James