How grateful I am that I felt good enough to go to church today, there is always something that I learn there that helps me throughout my week. It is like a recharging of my spiritual batteries that sustain me. One of the things that stands out in my mind that I learned today is, by being GRATEFUL it helps us realize how good our life is and disappointments and fears are easier to conquer. It is by counting our blessings that we realize we have always been taken care of our whole life and that things some how work out, even when we don't understand why we have such trials and struggles. Remembering to... BE NOT AFRAID,ONLY BELIEVE is something that can change our attitude about our life and lessons that we are learning. Realizing all the things that I have been blessed with makes me happy and much more content, how can I even complain when I have so many blessings in my life?
I have tried all weekend to just not think about the test results that we will be getting back tomorrow, from the CT scan. There is absolutely nothing else I can do, I have prayed and prayed that the test will come back, showing that I don't have cancer spread any where else in my body. But then I realize that maybe, that isn't the will of the Lord and my battle will take a different turn. No matter what,I have just got to keep remembering that I have never been left alone in this life. Although I have had many major tests, none of them have I had to suffer or go through by myself. I always knew that my Heavenly Father was close by and heard and answered my prayers. I knew that He would somehow help me rise above whatever challenge it was and learn and grow from it.
Another talk that I heard was about when someone was struggling with a particular trial in their life and in their pleading to God they said "how can I possibly make it through this problem. I feel very unprepared to handle this and inadequate,obviously I know so little about life and how to survive this." His answer came with a sweet assurance from the Lord, that reminded him that HE MIGHT NOT KNOW EVERYTHING BUT THAT HE KNOWS ENOUGH!
That rang true to me, my spiritual journey is the process of a lifetime. I don't know everything that is going to happen or how I am going to be strong enough to handle it. I don't know how much more I can take. But I do know enough to keep going, keep smiling, keep the commandments, keep a positive attitude,keep serving, keep praying and to never give up. I know enough to choose the road of faith and obedience. I know there will continue to be more challenges, difficulties, questions and doubts, but I am not alone. I am so grateful for a testimony that God lives and loves me and that with His help and the love and strength of so many family and friends, that I will be able to get up in the morning and be ready to face whatever news we get.
Tomorrow we meet with another surgeon just to get a second opinion. Tomorrow like I mentioned, we get the CT results back. So I need to go to bed and try to get some sleep. I will let you know tomorrow what we find out.
Thank you for all your faith and prayers in my behalf. I can't even explain in words how grateful I am for you and for your examples to me and for the love and friendship we share. I will try to make it through this week and somehow find a faith and strength that I need to accomplish this incredibly frightening experience. I have a quote on my wall that says ENJOY THE JOURNEY, life is truly a journey and thank you for traveling it with me.
Love, Lynn and family