Tough couple of days!

 I have been trying hard to get things organized,
figured out and ready to start off this new year right.
 It has been a long time since I have written in my blog, one of the biggest reasons is that my computer is acting up all the time now. Tonight I will try to write this quick!
I have been doing this blog for 8 years and have truly shared some of the toughest lessons that I have learned in my life.
 This past year I have been up against something a bit bigger than me. I hesitate to mention it because I am not sure exactly how I am handling it. I have been warned about it for years and although I know that it is just a normal part of a Woman's life, it has been a tough one for me. Menopause!!!
Menopause was something that I watched my Mom struggle through and even though I am much older to start going through it than her... still I am beginning to understand why so many women dread even the word.
I realize also that every woman goes through it at different times and through different degrees, but I am sure a few things are just the same for each of us.
My emotions are changing a bit more than I would like. My internal thermostat is changing just about as fast... but only from Hot to Cold. My body is changing and not for the better and that is making it tough on a daily basis. Now before you call or email me of all the things I could be taking....thank you in advance but as a 2 time Cancer Survivor, I can not take them. So I am trying all the other natural things I can try.
I went to get a massage the other day at a new place and the secretary was a man. When he asked if I wanted the massage therapist to heat up the table before I got in there and I casually said " No thank you, I have my own internal heating pad turned on most of the time", he just smiled.
As I finished my paper work and turned it in to him, he smiled again and said " I am a 2 time survivor". I looked at him and said " I am glad for you....what type of Cancer did you have?"
His reply was " Oh I meant a two time survivor of Menopause! I survived my Mom and my wife!"
So I guess he said it all :)
Sunday night I started getting some terrible back pain and nausea, it went on for the rest of the night and all day yesterday. It started to scare me, because I couldn't figure out what it was. Many times in my life, my back has hurt so bad that it makes me sick to my stomach, but this felt different. After a bad day and into the evening it finally dawned on me that this is exactly how I felt last February when I had Kidney Stones. So the last 2 days have truly been tough. I keep drinking and drinking hoping to flush them out and pray that I can do it on my own and not have to go to the hospital. I started feeling better later this afternoon.
Today two dear friends came by and brought me an amazing dinner, fresh flowers and this beautiful snowflake garland. So even though it has been a tough two couple of days I realize that I am blessed and have much to be grateful for.
I have missed talking to you dear friends.
Good Night!

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Lifting up those who are in need!

I recently read an article that was written by a licensed clinical social worker. He had experienced some real losses in his life and was expressing the things that he learned and suggestions to others, who want to help in time of need. The article is called Lifting the Hands which hang down by Stephen Havertz and you can read all of it here:

I wanted to share a few things that I really thought were good to remember, especially coming from his unique perspective on grief and loss...

In his own experience, even when he thought that he had handled the death of his child, he realized that there were still times when emotions seemed to sneak up and ambush him. He said that he felt like most of his life he was a fairly EVEN emotionally, but during and after a few of these really hard trials he felt like his EMOTIONS OVERPOWERED ALL LOGIC!
What can I say?
Please don't say " I know what you are going through " if you never have experienced that exact situation. And even sometimes if you have, remember that everyone and everyone's experiences and life are different, so they could feel differently still. EACH TYPE OF GRIEF COMES WITH ITS OWN SET OF QUESTIONS AND OFTEN A HEAVY DOSE OF REGRET AND EMOTIONAL PAIN.
In all cases, those who wish to help will be most effective when they can be sensitive to the unique situation. It's probably best to express your love and condolences to the grievers and avoid making statements about what they should do or how they should feel.
PEOPLE WHO WANT TO HELP SHOULD BE VERY CAREFUL ABOUT PLACING A TIME LIMIT ON SOMEONE'S GRIEF. Some people believe that you should be finished grieving in a year and a half. He mentions that his daughter died 3 years ago and still he feels tremendous pain whenever he visits the hospital where she was sick. This type of grief doesn't mean that he is depressed or inconsolable, but rather it suggests that he still misses the daughter that he loved so much.
What is helpful?
He mentions that it is helpful to have conversations with others when they talk about their favorite memories of his daughter. It is also helpful when they are willing to listen to his favoritie memories of her. YOU DON'T HAVE TO HELP PEOPLE WHO ARE GRIEVING TO STOP CRYING. They still need to release their feelings and that is ok!
He said one neighbor ( that he didn't know well ) just came over and just gave him a hug, that was his way of communicating his love and concern for him. Another person and some friends came over ( unexpectantly ) and did his yard work. He really appreciated that.
What is really important to remember?
THESE EXPERIENCES HAVE TAUGHT HIM THAT IT IS BEST TO BE EMPATHETIC AND PROACTIVE ABOUT HELPING THOSE WHO ARE GRIEVING. IF YOU TAKE TIME TO OBSERVE, YOU CAN OFTEN COME UP WITH IDEAS FOR HOW TO HELP THAT ARE SPECIFIC TO THE GRIEVER'S NEED.  AND ALWAYS KEEP IN MIND...THAT  PEOPLE MOURN IN DEEPLY PERSONAL WAYS!
So we need to stand ready to help and lift up other, as the Savior would have us to do.
Good night dear friends!

Lessons from the past

Today I worked a long time on editing my book. Krystal will do the final editing, but since I have so much information and so many days to cover, I am trying to go through each one and see if there is anything that I would want to take out. I was amazed at how fast the feelings came rushing back to me, as I reread my first diagnosis with cancer.

It had been 7 years since my last cancer and so everyone thought I was pretty safe...for it not to return. They say 5 years is sorta the magical number, if you make it 5 years then your chances of getting it again is a lot lower. I am here to tell you that no one really knows that much about Cancer. I know there has been progress and there are still new statistics coming in every day but...the more I talk to others who are 2nd and 3rd time survivors, I realize every story is different and no one really understands why or how it came back. Especially when they did EVERYTHING the Doctor ordered.

I cried most of the time I was reading and suppose to be editing. It was much harder than I thought to do this. The emotions were closer to the surface than I thought, and yet I felt a bit of pride that I am at least progressing some. Maybe not as far or fast as I had hoped but...I am progressing. Some days are faster and better than others.

As I read the lessons from life that I had already experienced, I was amazed at the love and support from so many of you. There were days that I did nothing but write in my blog but it gave me something to look forward to and someone to share my lessons with.

Thank you for all the support and love you continue to be in my life. Yes, life has been tough but... there have been many wonderful lessons learned.

Good night dear friends!

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow"  ~ Albert Einstein

"You learn something every day if you pay attention."  ~Ray LeBlond

Motherhood is the best job ever!

When I read this sweet poem I smiled, because I have been where this mother was...many times in my short 27 years of motherhood. I will tell you that I have had the same reaction even at times and yes, later regretted it. The hardest thing about motherhood is, although you have to be everything to everyone, it doesn't mean that you were highly trained in any of those areas. Much of your training is ON THE JOB, so no wonder there are mistakes that are made! :)  You only have to mention certain things to get my kids started on "remember the time when Mom did this or that?" How they can remember those things I will never know but...they do and no matter what ages they are, they make sure to remind me of it ever now and then. I just smile and know that some day, they will be in my very situation and then, and only then... will the LIGHTBULB MOMENT happen to them and all of a sudden I will become a little bit wiser! :) Hope I am not too old to enjoy that moment when it comes! ( I hope my kids are reading this post! )

So enjoy the poem and remember ...those sweet little ones of yours will grow up fast, so try to savor the moment if you can. The nice thing is, that when you are all grown up and a grandma ( NANA ) then your grandkids will be perfect and you won't have worry about things like this any more anyway!  Good night!

"If I had known how wonderful
it would be to have grandchildren,
I'd have had them first."   ~ Lois Wyse 

 

Handwriting on the wall   ~Author Unknown

A weary mother returned from the store,
Lugging groceries through the kitchen door.
Awaiting her arrival was her 8 year old son,
Anxious to relate what his younger brother had done.

While I was out playing and Dad was on a call,
T.J. took his crayons and wrote on the wall
It's on the new paper you just hung in the den.
I told him you'd be mad at having to do it again.

She let out a moan and furrowed her brow,
Where is your little brother right now?
She emptied her arms and with a purposeful stride,
She marched to his closet where he had gone to hide.

She called his full name as she entered his room.
He trembled with fear--he knew that meant doom
For the next ten minutes, she ranted and raved
About the expensive wallpaper and how she had saved.

Lamenting all the work it would take to repair,
She condemned his actions and total lack of care.
The more she scolded, the madder she got,
Then stomped from his room, totally distraught

She headed for the den to confirm her fears.
When she saw the wall, her eyes flooded with tears.
The message she read pierced her soul with a dart.
It said, I love Mommy, surrounded by a heart.

Well, the wallpaper remained, just as she found it,
With an empty picture frame hung to surround it.
A reminder to her, and indeed to all,
Take time to read the handwriting on the wall.

 

"If your baby is 'beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses,
sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the
time,' you're the grandma."
~Teresa Bloomingdale

Or I could add to this quote by saying...or maybe you are the Aunt!"

Because I am a very proud Aunt Lynn too!

Feelings

Last night I noticed when I went to bed that my arm pit area and my chest wall was much more swollen. I am trying to do the drainage massage on myself but it is hard to do. I was suppose to get one of those suits that helps you drain it every day but I haven't heard anything back from them yet. it has been weeks since I went to my Physical Therapist to get it properly drained. The bump, lump or swelling that came up a week ago tomorrow, is still there and I am wondering what is going on? When I looked at myself in the mirror, I noticed more changes in my scar area....more feelings and more worries!  I like this quote by Maya Angelou and thought it was a good one to live by.

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
~Maya Angelou

Tonight I think this quote can go two ways, it can mean that people will never forget how good you made them feel or how bad or stupid they made you feel. As I talk to other cancer patients, I think the later is what they deal with more often when it comes to their cancer, their treatments and their lives. I have to admit, I am discouraged on how the Doctors treat you after they have done what they are suppose to do for you. When you are diagnosed with cancer you suddenly have all these doctor's and oncologist's that you are suppose to go to, one for radiation, surgery and chemotherapy. They are wonderful and very attentive to you. But when surgery is over, when all the treatments are over, there is no one to see except your regular physician. It is a weird and scary feeling. One friend of mine, was asking her oncologist right after her last radiation treatment  " so how often do I come back and have you do check ups on me?" His response was, "you don't come back to me, I would only see you again if your cancer came back." That lady was shocked, scared and angry. She couldn't understand why they just drop you like that? I believe it is partly because they have a whole line of newly diagnosed cancer patients waiting in line and they are busy.

Back to the quote, people will never forget how you make them feel! It is devastating enough to have cancer  but worse to not have something or someone to help you go from your last treatments to on with your life. There is still a lot of suffering and questions that  you have after all your treatments are gone. Who do you go to and where is the information on the side effects and changes you might be having? What is normal? What should you worry and not worry about?

I don't know, I am hurting and wished that I knew if all these changes on my body are normal or what? The unknown is the worst part. But I also don't want to go back into that arena of  "Yes, I am sure you are fine, sometimes the side effects from the treatments last a while. I have heard every thing from 6-8 weeks to over an year. That is a big difference in time!

I wish that I could speak to the Doctors, Oncologist's, Nurses and other Health care professional. I would let them know what the EVERYDAY consequences of cancer are. I would ask them why they went into the Health care profession? I bet it was to help people, and to make it so they wouldn't suffer so much. I would ask them if they still have that same desire, compassion and kindness to their patients today as when they first started their practice? If they say yes, I would ask them why soooooo many cancer patients feel these same feelings as I have? Alone, Confused, and a bother to them?

Yes, people will remember how you make them feel.  I know this isn't true for every Health Care Professional and in every situation because some of them have been wonderful, but I do think that some one should take a closer view of the whole cancer experience.There should be more thought into how to make those positive changes. Cancer is not over just because we left their office!  Just a thought!

Good night dear friends. Thanks for always being there for me!

"YOU CANNOT MAKE YOURSELF FEEL SOMETHING YOU DO NOT FEEL, BUT YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF DO THE RIGHT IN SPITE OF YOUR FEELINGS."  ~ Pearl S. Buck

"SO WHEN YOU ARE LISTENING TO SOMEBODY, COMPLETELY, ATTENTIVELY, THEN YOU ARE LISTENING NOT ONLY TO THE WORDS, BUT ALSO TO THE FEELING OF WHAT IS BEING CONVEYED, TO THE WHOLE OF IT, NOT PART OF IT."  ~Jiddu Krishnamurti

 

Not fighting ...Just learning!

I was at my Homeopathic Doctor's office the other day, just for a regular check up. As we talked about how I was feeling and what concerns I was having for my health I said " I just want to make sure that I am doing everything I can to keep fighting off cancer."  He just smiled and said "Lynn, can I make a suggestion?"  "I wonder if you can think of a different word other than fighting, because that has some negative connotations to it"  He was right, I need to be as positive as I can and remember not to give CANCER any power. To fight something means that it has power, to learn about cancer and learn about my body...gives me back the power. The power to learn and the power to choose!

I found 2 days ago an area on my chest wall... that seems swollen, my first thought was FEAR and my second thought was How Long Will I Have To Fight Cancer?  So here I am two days later and the swollen area is still there, I have talked to my Doctor about it and I will just wait and watch it for a couple of days and see what happens and what I feel about it. I read part of an article written from a survivor (Jan Adrian, MSW) and I really liked some of the points that she brought up. I thought I would share part of that with you and also remind myself of what I can do.

 

"At the time I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I had been doing nothing to nurture myself for several years. Even after I was diagnosed, I was working much too much. It wasn't that work was killing me, but that I needed something else in my life besides work. I felt like it was the lack of something nurturing in my life that was starving me. I wasn't reading; I wasn't meditating; I wasn't walking on the beach; I wasn't going to the mountains; I wasn't going to movies; I wasn't doing any of that. This was a time of questioning what needed to be changed in my life, what would be nourishing to me. It was my most difficult period emotionally.

I also couldn't find a support group at that time in San Jose and felt very alone. Michael ( my husband ) was my only supporter. I ended up going to a conference for health professionals on healing, and Jungian analyst Jean Shinoda Bolen spoke on the subject of illness as a soul experience. I was very moved by her talk. I felt she was talking directly to me.

She talked about how we are spiritual beings on a human path, rather than human beings who may or may not be on a spiritual path. Up until that point, any treatment that had been recommended to me--chemo, radiation, mastectomy--was a treatment of the body only. I even asked one of my oncologists, "How are we going to treat the rest of me?" and he raised his voice and said, "Emotions have nothing to do with this."

I still have no idea what causes cancer, or how to cure it. Nobody does. Part of the blessing of a cancer journey, I think, is that we have to learn how to trust ourselves. Each of us has to find what works for us, and what our own personal path is. My own focus for now is more on the quality of my life rather than on the quantity. All of us are going to die. Death is not the failure. My purpose is to live until I die."

 

Thank you for all of you love, concern and prayers. I will make it and I will be fine, I just need to remember to quit fighting, start listening to my body better, keep learning and most importantly keep LIVING!  Yes, "Life is a journey, not a destination!"  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and sorrow is part of our on-the-job training. These experiences, while often difficult to bear at the time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others." ~ Joseph B. Wirthlin

"The way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life."           ~ Joseph B. Wirthlin

Emotions can they make you sick?

I found this article on BELIEF NETWORK.COM about emotions and really like the idea that they gave you a quiz. Actually, I really like the idea that is makes you stop and think about the connection of your emotions and health more. Pretty powerful stuff, just not too many people slow down enough to think about it. Since I have been down a lot in the past few years, I am starting to be an expert on the subject ! :) Yeah right. No, but I do think about it daily and honestly try to look at trials, problems and crisis in the healthiest possible way that I can. It does take a lot of effort and discipline. So take the quiz and see how you do. Remember it is only a quiz...don't stress about it! :) The answers are at the bottom, no peeking!

 

In recent years, scores of medical studies have revealed that our emotions and stress affect our physical health as much as a virus--if not more. Take this quiz to test how much you know about inner immunity.

Do Your Emotions Make You Sick

1. Which of the following is not a recommended stress-reliever?

Taking a vacation

Remembering to breathe

Watching TV

All of the above

---

2. What's the healthiest reason to work on a project?

Because you love it

Because your spouse wants you to

To impress your boss

To finish what you started

---

3. What happens every time you exhale?

You burn a calorie

Your brain slows down

Your heart slows down

Its impossible to sneeze

---

4. What's the optimal way to prevent negative thoughts from affecting your health?

Notice them and move on

Repeat them to yourself and others

Allow them to influence your choices

Let them trigger an emotional response

---

5. Chronic stress does not contribute to the following?

Weight gain

Heart attacks

Inflammation

The color of your feet

---

6. What's the ideal range of time it should take you to fall asleep once you're in bed?

2-5 minutes

5-10 minutes

10 15 minutes

15 20 minutes

---

7. What's a good buffer against catching winter colds?

NyQuil

Having a pet

Chicken soup

Having friends

---

8. Which foods best fight the effects of stress in the body?

• Bread
• Fruits and vegetables
• Sweets
• Meat

---

9. From the following, which form of movement releases the most endorphins--hormones that make you feel happy?

Stretching

Slow dancing

Kick-boxing

Cleaning your house

---

10. What kind of music is best for your emotional and physical health?

Rock

Classical

Hip hop

Your favorite

---

11. When you're unhappy at work, what will help maintain your physical and emotional health?

Deciding it's all your fault

Knowing that you have choices

Blaming others for your unhappiness

Pushing through - no pain, no gain

LEMONS/LEMONAIDE

Cripple him, and you have a Sir Walter Scott. Lock him in a prison cell, and you have a John Bunyan. Bury him in the snows of Valley Forge, and you have a George Washington. Raise him in abject poverty and you have an Abraham Lincoln. Strike him down with infantile paralysis, and he becomes Franklin Roosevelt. Burn him so severely that the doctors say he'll never walk again, and you have a Glenn Cunningham -- who set the world's one mile record in 1934. Deafen him and you have a Ludwig van Beethoven. Have him or her born black in a society filled with racial discrimination, and you have a Booker T. Washington, a Marian Anderson, a George Washington Carver. Call him a slow learner, "retarded," and write him off as uneducable, and you have an Albert Einstein. As one man summed it up: Life is about 20% in what happens to us and 80% in the way we respond to the events.  - Ted Engstrom

"When written in Chinese, the word "crisis" is composed of two characters. One represents danger, and the other represents opportunity." - John F. Kennedy

 

1.Correct Answer: Watching TV

2.Correct Answer: Because you love it

3.Correct Answer: Your heart slows down

4.Correct Answer: Notice them and move on

5.Correct Answer: The color of your feet

6.Correct Answer: 10 15 minutes

7.Correct Answer: Having friends

8.Correct Answer: Fruits and vegetables

9.Correct Answer: Kick-boxing

10.Correct Answer: Your favorite

11.Correct Answer: Knowing that you have choices