I loved this article by Jason F. Wright. It is about the art of saying "NO". Something we all could probably benefit from, plus we would probably be much happier, IF we could learn how to use this little word properly. Good night dear friends!
My wife answered this figurative newspaper ad several years ago: "HELP WANTED. Desperately need someone to train me in the art of saying No."
"No" is such a fascinating word, isn’t it?
It’s among our children’s very first and it continues tumbling out of toddlers’
mouths for years.
As parents, we teach our little ones not to say it.
“Eat your vegetables. It’s time for a nap. You’ll keep our little
doughnuts-for-dinner secret from mom?”
“No.”
Then, when our children become teenagers, we want them
to say it all the time. “Will you break curfew with me? Will you drink this
beer? Will you tease the kid who’s different?”
Nothing would make me more proud than to know my two
teenage daughters say the word a thousand and one times a day.
Years later, as adults, the word can become even
tougher to say. “Can you help me move? Can you work late? Can I borrow a
hundred bucks, even though you don’t really have it to loan? Can my nine kids
and me stay with you for a week while visiting town, even though we’re third
cousins twice removed and I can’t remember your first name?”
“Of course! What kind of cereal do you like?”
Does this sound like you or someone you know? Then you
might also need a "No Coach." Frankly, I’m not sure how I ever
survived without one.
For most of my career, I couldn’t say yes fast enough.
“Will you speak at my small Baptist church 700 miles away with a dozen people
in attendance? Will you donate 50 books to the library? Will you present an
assembly to my school for free, even though you spoke to our rival school
across town and they paid you for your time?”
“Sure!”
It’s been so bad, even if I’d been asked to fly around
the world and speak at the Kremlin — on my dime — I would have struggled to
say, "Nyet."
But everything changed a couple of years ago when my
wife answered that ad and became my No Coach. She was the perfect fit for the
job because she loves me and despite my efforts to prove her otherwise, she
still thinks I'm a swell guy. Evidently she likes having me around and for my
children to know what I look like in person and not via Skype from three time
zones away.
It wasn’t easy, but she taught me to weigh every opportunity and learn to say no. With her gentle but steady nudging, I’ve learned that sometimes no matter how great the cause or the conference, a polite no is the right answer.
“I wish I could come; my daughter has a recital that
night and I missed the last two. I sincerely regret that I can’t help this
time; my wife hasn’t had a date night in weeks. I really wish I could speak to
your book club; my wife is scheduled for a C-Section that night and I’d like to
be there.”
As I write this column, I realize I’m not the only one
who needs a No Coach.
I have a dear friend — we’ll call her Sabrina — who
lives near me and hasn’t had a weekend to herself in more than six months.
Every single Saturday she’s helping someone move, driving a friend in need
across the state or donating some vital organ. She has an extraordinarily
difficult time saying no, and people around her know it. She’s become
everyone's go-to-gal for service.
Thousands will read this column and the vast majority
will never meet Sabrina, but if you needed anything, I’m certain you could
call. Need to borrow a car? Need someone to mediate a family dispute? Need
someone to race over and perform a tracheotomy with a Pixy Stix and the tiny
tweezers from the Operation board game? She’ll happily say, “Yes!” and throw in
a hug for good measure.
I love my sweet friend, but just like the rest of us
who struggle to say no, each time she says yes, isn't she also saying no to
someone else?
Likewise, every time we say no and put our family's
needs first, we’re really saying yes to those who matter most.
It's natural to want to say yes, especially for
Christians wired to serve at the drop of a scripture verse. And it's natural to
regret having to decline wonderful causes and opportunities to serve, but is
there a greater cause or opportunity than our spouses and children? It’s easy
to get lost in serving those at a distance and neglect the ones standing right
at our side.
Despite my wife's best efforts, I'm sure I still say
yes much more than I probably should. And, as a result of this column, I'll
likely get a dozen new requests and probably agree to the majority of them.
Still, I’m grateful for the perspective that my
personal No Coach has provided me. She understands that by saying no more
often, I'll have more energy to say yes when it matters most.
Yes or no, do you need your own No Coach?
“I am definitely going to take a course on time management… just as soon as I can work it into my schedule.” – Louis E. Boone
“You will never find time for anything. If you want time you must make it.” – Charles Buxton
“Time lost is never found again.” – Benjamin Franklin
He knew that if he picked up ordinary pebbles and threw them down again because they were cold, he might pick up the same pebble hundreds of times. So, when he felt one that was cold, he threw it into the sea. He spent a whole day doing this but none of them was the touchstone. Yet he went on and on this way. Pick up a pebble. Cold - throw it into the sea. Pick up another. Throw it into the sea.