I love Teddy Bears!

A dear friend sent this photo / picture to me today. I love it! I love the whole concept that we can have protection and a friend, to be with us as a child. Most of you know that I collect Teddy Bears. Once I became a Mother, an older and wiser friend told me that I needed to collect something. I asked why, her reply was " all you life your kids and husband will want to get you something, if you can steer them in a certain direction you will be better off. If not you will have to put some real ugly things up in your house! " I laughed so hard...but it is true!
So I thought long and hard about it, and decided I would like to collect Teddy Bears. I would have loved to done that as a child but... didn't have that type of childhood. But if anyone ever needed a Teddy Bear to protect them... I sure did. My monster turned out to be my Grandfather... and so now years later, I am safe and have many beautiful Teddy Bears in my home ( for almost every occasion ). They constantly and simply remind me how SAFE I am, and that is a wonderful feeling. Plus, when I die, they can be given to my children and grandchildren and anyone else who I knew and loved. Yes, that is why I love Teddy Bears and I would love to get a copy of this print!

found this drawing here:

During my second battle with Cancer, I wonder one night as I laid awake in pain and fearful of my future, what in the world Mothers do that have kids battling cancer? How could their hearts handle all that the kids would have to go through? What is there out there to help the kids fight these terrible monsters? Thus came the idea for our Once Upon a Time or Recnac Monsters. It has been neat to sell them ( my girlfriend now makes and sells them ), plus give them away. When I pack one up and send it off to a child battling any life threatening problems, it feels wonderful.  I hope they bring them the same mental picture as the one above.
So the next time life gets really hard, ask for one of our Monsters, or go purchase yourself a sweet Teddy Bear just to be safe!  Good night and sweet dreams dear friends!

This photo is from Lauren's blog, you can find it here:

Once upon a time there was a monster under my bed.
So I shivered and screamed and pulled the covers over my head.
All of a sudden, that monster came out--and do you know what he said?
"can I be your friend and sleep with you instead?"
Congratulations! You've just adopted a ONCE UPON A TIME MONSTER!
Now you'll always have a friend to help you be brave and you'll never be alone again!

Cancer can be scary and I know you are afraid.
Just cuddle up with me and try your best to be brave.
If it helps to ease your worry, go ahead and change the name.
Turn cancer into recnac and see if you feel the same.
Make me your recnac monster; look at my silly face.
I hope I make you smile as you take me from place to place.


Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing."

"There is much in the world to make us afraid.  There is much more in our faith to make us unafraid."  ~Frederick W. Cropp

Nightmares!

One of the side effects of having cancer is the fear that comes with it. There are days and even weeks and months that I am not really effected by it. But then something will trigger those Bigger Than Me Days of fear, and those are tough days. I had one ( ok, maybe 2 or 3  ) of those a month ago when I was feeling so tired and weak. The fatigue was terrible and my mind went to a bad place. I tried to write about it because I think that it is very important to let other survivors know, what is normal or at least happens to other survivors. It took me over a week to really get out of that bad place. The What Ifs came too, and so it took a lot of work and effort to change where I was.

Finally I did and have been grateful ever since that I don't feel like running and looking over my shoulder all the time, wondering when or if cancer is going to return. But I had a bit of a relapse the other night. I have been having some swelling in my arm from not having many lymph nodes after my surgery. Some times if the swelling gets bad, my arm aches and lately that seems to be happening a lot. When I went to bed that night, I woke up a few times in the middle in a bad dream. Each time I woke up, I could feel my arm just throbbing and then I would go back to sleep and be right back in the same dream. The dream was, my arm was aching and so we went to the DR. and he said that I had Stage 4 bone cancer, I was devastated, then I would wake up and realize it was only a dream ( nightmare to be a matter of fact ) and how grateful I was that it was only that. Finally I decided to get up because I did not want to go back into that dream again.

So sometimes even when you think your head is in the right place, your sub-conscience brings those fears back to you. Yes, the side effects of cancer can be scary but manageable IF you work at it each day! With that said, I am tired... my arm is still aching and now I am wondering if I really want to go to bed tonight or not? Guess I will anyway, good night dear friends!

P.S. Maybe what I should do, is go get one of my RECNAC MONSTERS, they really do help!

"Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing."

"There is much in the world to make us afraid.  There is much more in our faith to make us unafraid."  ~Frederick W. Cropp

"There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them."  ~Andre Gide

RECNAC MONSTERS

I mentioned in my last post that we were trying to develop the poem that would go with the RECNAC monsters we created. I really hope that they bring some smiles and comfort, to those children who have to face RECNAC (CANCER).

Cancer can be scary and I know you are afraid.
Just cuddle up with me and try your best to be brave.
If it helps to ease your worry, go ahead and change the name.
Turn cancer into recnac and see if you feel the same.
Make me your recnac monster; look at my silly face.
I hope I make you smile as you take me from place to place.

"Courage can't see around corners, but goes around them anyway."  ~Mignon McLaughlin,

"You must do the things you think you cannot do." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

This whole journey through cancer has been a family affair for us. How grateful I am for all of them. They encourage me continue to search for new ways to help others who have to go down the same road. Plus each day I get to wake up and do something I feel passionate about!

Thanks to all of you for your prayers, love and concern too!

fear/monsters

When I was a little girl I had some pretty big fears. I just couldn't seem to get control over them. Now having counseled with many abuse victims over the past 25 years, I know that I wasn't the only one. Even those of you, who had normal, happy and safe childhoods, might have had some fears now and then. One thing that has probably been one of the biggest thing many people fear... is Cancer. Now if you think we as adults are the only ones to get scared, we are wrong. When I first got diagnosed with Cancer many years ago, my kids were young and the fear that I felt, transferred over to them. That is exactly why we came up with the word RECNAC instead of CANCER. RECNAC as many of you know is Cancer spelled backwards. Isn't that silly ? You beat it is, but it sure sounds a whole lot better when you have to talk about that scary disease so often. We all could handle seeing MOM'S RECNAC APPOINTMENT AT 9:00 am with Dr. Johnson on the calendar. Also the kids found out quickly if they told any of their friends that I had cancer, then the friends ( well meaning ) would promptly tell them about their Aunt or Grandpa that died of Cancer. To this day ( I am proud to say ) we don't know of any one that has died from RECNAC. :)

Now don't get me wrong. My kids understood the facts about Cancer... but we simply needed to find a way to take the power back from the C word. Recnac (cancer) is a family disease, I don't mean by genes, but because of the effects it has on every person in the family. It was vital for me as a mom to keep a close eye on each child to see how they were holding up, I spoke to counselors, teachers and family members for help and support. Yes, RECNAC ( cancer was a family disease ). It doesn't matter how old your children are either, everyone gets scared!

Since my second bout with Cancer, I have started developing gifts for cancer patients that I hoped would help and make a difference in their healing. As I dreaded going to radiation every day, I wondered how in the world a mom would feel, if it was her child that had the cancer and had to go to radiation each day? Many people say that the  treatments are worse than the disease. So with that in mind I have ( along with a dear friend of mine ) developed some RECNAC GIFTS. Each one is designed to help and comfort the patient in some way . I just want to try and reach as many patients as I can and help them have some hope and comfort during their journey with cancer.

With that in mind, I have designed ( always with the help of my dear friend and family ) yet another RECNAC GIFT. We have developed the ONCE UPON A TIME MONSTERS, each monster comes with a name and the poem below. We are still working on coming up with a  different one for Cancer patients or cancer patient's children. 

Once upon a time there was a monster under my bed.
So I shivered and screamed and pulled the covers over my head.
All of a sudden, that monster came out--and do you know what he said?
"can I be your friend and sleep with you instead?"
Congratulations! You've just adopted a ONCE UPON A TIME MONSTER!
Now you'll always have a friend to help you be brave and you'll never be alone again!

Here is a photo of my granddaughter Angie playing with some of the monsters. She doesn't quite understand why she can't have every monster that Nana creates!  I will let you know when we get them on line and are up for adoption.  What better way to keep those fears away ...than your own personal monsters?  Monsters aren't scared of anything!

Until then, I am going to go get me a monster... and go to bed!

"EACH TIME WE FACE OUR FEAR, WE GAIN STRENGTH, COURAGE, AND CONFIDENCE IN THE DOING" ~ Unknown

TIME TO PRAY 
A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.
'Yes, sir.' the boy replied.
'And, do you always say them in the morning, too?' the pastor asked.
'No sir,' the boy replied. 'I ain't scared in the daytime.'