Better days ahead I hope!

This has been a long test of my ability to stay positive. I usually don't have a problem with that, but this has been a real struggle. I started the steroids over the weekend and I started feeling a bit better. But when I called the doctor and told them today that it has been a few nights since I have really slept, I found out that sometimes, that is a side effect of the drug. Here it is 1:22 am and I am still wired, heart racing a bit and yet I am tired. This is why I have troubles with meds. I know I probably need them, but at what cost?
When I saw this quote... I thought I really try to do all of those things except the 3rd and the last one I am struggling with. For whatever reason I am still struggling to get a good deep breath and because of that, I really am having a hard time being interested in doing anything, just don't have the energy for it.
I did get Valentine's out to my family today, I love the holidays and love to make and send packages to my family and friends, yet...it was a lot of work just getting the Valentine's out. Luckily Jeff already got me the stamps, all I had to do was make the long walk to the mailbox ( right across the street ).
It snowed yesterday and I was glad, because I still have all my Winter Décor up. That is a sure sign that I am sick...because I always decorated my house for the seasons. But this year, I am not so sure that we will get the Valentine's Decorations up in time. I guess that is ok, and happens some times..right?
Well dear friends, thanks for always being there. I think about you often. Good night!

Hope

Well, I slept in till noon today, and only woke up then because the phone rang. I was shocked when I looked at the clock, what in the world is wrong with me? I never sleep 12 hours and then still feel this tired. It was all I could do to take a shower at 5:00 p.m. and then have dinner and cake, to celebrate our oldest daughter Amy's birthday. Her birthday is actually tomorrow, but we celebrated it today.

I think she had a good time and I tried to stay alert and awake, still I am so very tired. I have to push myself to get anything done. I am thinking now that it isn't a cold coming on, but not sure what else it could be. I sorta felt like this when I had Mono, I pray that I don't have that back.

Anyway as you can tell, the last few days I have been pretty down, and also worried  why my body isn't staying healthy any more. I was on such a good healthy path, not sure how I fell off? Of course, whether I like it or not some of my old worries come back and haunt me a bit. But I realize I just can't go there. I was reading an article today about Hope and thought ...that is where I need to stay. There was a cute story and a few quotes that I need to put on my mirror to remember, that is what I will share (part of with you) tonight...mostly for my benefit! :)

   "Our family grew up in the high desert country of southern Utah. Rain is rare, and hope abounds that there will be sufficient moisture for the coming heat of the summer. Then, as now, we hoped for rain, we prayed for rain, and in dire times, we fasted for rain.
   The story is told there of the grandfather who took his five-year-old grandson for a walk around town. Ultimately, they found themselves at a small grocery store on Main Street where they stopped for a cold soda pop. A car from out of state pulled up and the driver approached the old-timer. Pointing to a small cloud in the sky, the stranger asked, "Do you think it's going to rain?"
   "I certainly hope so," replied the old man, "if not for my sake, for the boy's. I've seen it rain."

   Hope is an emotion which brings richness to our everyday lives. it is defined as " the feeling that ...events will turn out for the best." When we exercise hope, we "look forward...with desire and reasonable confidence". As such , hope brings a certain calming influence to our lives as we confidently look forward to future events.

   We should never let hope be displaced by despair. The exercise of hope enriches our lives and helps us look forward to the future."  ~ Steven E. Snow  May 2011 Ensign

This was the perfect story for me tonight. I just need to remember like the grandfather said, I have seen rain but the boy hasn't .  Like him, I have seen miracles, I have seen tragedy end up into a blessing. I have seen the Tender Mercies of the Lord in my own life, but I need to now... remember to stay hopeful and strong, so that I can help my granddaughters see it too, in their lives. I know things happen for a reason, I know that my Heavenly Father is well aware of my life, my hopes and my dreams. He knows what I have yet to accomplish here on earth, I just need to focus my energies in the right place! Thanks for  your concerns, thoughts and prayers!
Good night dear friends!

You are always a MOM!

   "Once a Mom, you are always a Mom." That's the truth. This whole week has been tough on me as a Mom and Nana. 3 people out of our family of 10 have been sick, and that is always hard on my heart. I kept thinking it might get a bit easier as they get older but...it really doesn't. Just like the phone calls in the middle of the night, leave you with that sick pit in your stomach. That's sorta what it feels like to have my kids sick or hurting and I can't do anything about it.
   Our oldest son is just a few weeks from graduating from college. He has been running himself ragged trying to get all his projects done, plus school work and working. I think he is sick because he has just burnt the candle at both ends for too many days and nights in a row. How I wish I could bring him over some Chicken Noodle Soup and see what I could do to help them.
   Next has been our youngest son Lee. He has been having pain in his stomach off and on now, for over a year and still no one knows quite what it is. We went to see a specialist yesterday and did a few more tests, and so we will see what happens with that. I know he was worried but didn't want to show it. Even at the age of 17, it is hard not to think of him as my Little Lee, and worry a bit.
   Then our granddaughter Jenny has been sick with the flu for four days now. I am glad we live close so that we can help in some way. Now I am just the Nana, but it hurts to see these little ones sick. I still can't believe that I lived through all four of our kids, and all their illnesses.
   Jeff said that when the kids were little and got the intestinal flu, he thought I went over board when the only thing I would give him for dinner was bananas, rice, applesauce or toast! You know the BRAT diet! I didn't really think it was that unrealistic, considering I had been cleaning up after all four of them with the flu for days. Just because he wasn't sick, I didn't even want to take the chance, so I had us all it the BRAT diet for days afterwards. Ok, that does seem extreme, but I guess you just had to be there. :)
   So tonight, I will pray hard for our family, and hope that tomorrow will be a better day. I know these things aren't big and are probably temporary, but still it is a bit hard. Maybe I am being too honest?  But the truth is...I would rather be sick myself any day, than watch my kids or grand-kids be sick. It is amazing some how that we survive though!  I am just grateful to know that they will survive too. At least we have each other, that is actually saying a lot! So even though it has been a tough week, I feel very blessed!

"Children and mothers never truly part - Bound in the beating of each other's heart." -Charlotte Gray

"I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me.  They have clung to me all my life."  ~Abraham Lincoln

"If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been."  ~Robert Brault

We all need HOPE!

For some reason the last few days, I have been running out of energy early into the day. I can't seem to get past the tired stage. I really have been doing so much better, that it sorta scares me to be this tired all of a sudden again. I slept in yesterday till 11:30 a.m. and today till 11:00 a.m., I can't remember the last time that I have slept that long and yet...I still woke up tired. Maybe it's my emotions, there have been a few things weighing on my heart lately. I really don't know the answer but need to find out soon, hard to go back to this kind of TIRED!

I found this poem on HOPE, maybe because I need some right now...it meant a lot to me! Good night dear friends!

Hope

It's magic and it's free
It's not in a prescription
It's not in an IV.

It punctuates out laughter,
It sparkles in our tears,
It simmers under sorrows,
And dissipates our fears.

Do you know what Hope is?
It's reaching past today,
It's dreaming of tomorrow,
It's trying a new way.

It's pushing past impossible,
It's pounding on the door,
It's questioning the Answers,
It's always seeking more.

It's rumors of a breakthrough,
It's whispers of a cure,
A roller coaster ride
Of remedies, unsure.

Do you know what Hope is?
It's candy for the soul,
It's perfume for the spirit,
To share it makes you Whole

Author Unknown

https://mail.google.com/mail/?shva=1#inbox/12d8b86e848c7743

"In all things it is better to hope than to despair"  ~ Johann Wolfgang con Goethe

"When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always be worse. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get better."

Sleep verses Drugs...

I didn't write last night because I was still sleepy from a medication I had taken 24 hours earlier. It was a long day trying to function and yet feel like at any minute, I could go to sleep. My tongue felt thick, my head felt weird and all my reaction times were very delayed (hence why I didn't drive). I didn't like the feeling at all. I did however sleep that night, 7 solid hours and that felt good but... I never could quite wake up. I did not take any more of the medicine last night, because I thought my dosage was too high and I went to bed, confident that I would sleep through the night. That was wishful thinking...I was awake at 10:30pm,1:00am, 2:00am, 4:00am and then 8:00am.  Yikes, I can't keep going on like this. It has discouraged me to say the least. I do not want to take any medications to sleep, but I just can't go on like this with NO sleep either. It makes me want to scream! I am sooooo tired!!!!!

I found this poem about TIME, I need to remember positive things when I feel like this! Good night dear friends!

Take Time
by Author Unknown

TAKE TIME to think;
it is the source of power.
TAKE TIME to read;
it is the foundation of wisdom.
TAKE TIME to play;
it is the secret of staying young.
TAKE TIME to be quiet;
it is the moment to seek God.
TAKE TIME to be aware;
it is the opportunity to help others.
TAKE TIME to love and be loved;
it is God's greatest gift.
TAKE TIME to laugh;
it is the music of the soul.
TAKE TIME to be friendly;
it is the road to happiness.
TAKE TIME to dream;
it is what the future is made of.
TAKE TIME to pray;
it is the greatest power on earth.

"If a man had as many ideas during the day as he does when he has insomnia, he'd make a fortune."  ~Griff Niblack

Good, Bad and Tired!

Today was one of those days, GOOD... because I was able to go to the new Spine Specialist, and he was very nice and seemed to be very knowledgeable. He was positive about my back and neck and really thinks that with a PT specialist's help, I might be able to get some movement and strength back. The goal is less pain and more mobility. So I begin next Monday with my new PT specialist, I am very hopeful.

The BAD news was... he thinks that I might have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in my right hand and arm. We will have to do more testing on my nerves in that arm and hand in a couple of weeks. I just thought it was arthritis, and figured it was something that I had to suffer through. It has been hurting me for quite a few years. It wasn't until  he told me what the symptoms were, for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome that I realized that might be what I have. Weakness, numbness, pain and throbbing, yes...that would explain exactly how I have been feeling in my right arm and hand. Of course that makes me nervous, I am right handed and everything I create ( which is alot ), I use my right hand. So by August 10th we will have more answers.

TIRED... that was and has been the hardest thing I am dealing with on a daily basis. I just can't sleep at night, because of the pain all over. This Doctor, plus my Primary Care Doctor are very concern that I don't sleep. So we are working hard trying to find a solution for that. I have to admit, this only sleeping a few hours, day in and day out are very wearing. I pray that we find a solution soon. It is important to sleep, that is when your body truly heals and... that is vital for me.

So today was Good because... I got new hope for the future and a new game plan.

But today was Bad because... the Hard Drive in my laptop died, which means money, loss of everything on my computer and that I will have to write here downstairs on this other computer and that hurts my back and hands.

And tonight I am still TIRED and a bit discouraged about my computer so...I am heading to bed. Tomorrow might be a better day? But I am grateful for the information I did get, and the chance to see a light at the end of the tunnel for me and my health, so I need to remember my blessings, and what a lucky lady I am! Good night dear friends!

" Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you're beyond the need of God's grace"   ~ Unknown

"There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them.    ~ Lawrence Welk

" Now if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. It is always tired, morning, noon, and night. But the body is never t!"   ~ General George S. Patton

The red balloon!

Today is Saturday, and all day I have been very tired. Maybe that big day at the hospital was more than I should have tried? I really felt right about it though, some days are like that...I just have to pay quite a few days when I do something that big. I spent the morning with Amy, it was fun being with her again. I had missed being with the kids while I was gone. We went shopping for material for the baby's room (Jenny's room). Actually she and Angie will have to share, but still we need to get her bedding and blankets made. Afterwards I had to come home and go to bed for a couple of hours and then Amy and I started helping Lauren get ready for Prom. She and a bunch of friends are all going together this year. It is hard to imagine that she will be graduating this week.

It doesn't seem that long ago that Lauren was the fired up little toddler, who could never stop from getting into trouble. Oh I worried how I was going to raise such a tough little spirit and look at her now. She is all grown up and beautiful on the inside and the out. She knows who she is and has a 1000 dreams and plans for the future.

I missed my mom today and our family who is out of town. It is always during these SPECIAL MOMENTS in your life that you want family and friends to be there to share them with. Brad and Krystal are in Idaho going to school and the rest of our family is spread out. Mom, has been gone for almost 9 years now. I remember how funny and crazy she thought Lauren was, wouldn't she love to see her now? I hope she can. I truly feel like she isn't that far away. When she first passed away, I continued to email her every day. I know that sounds crazy but it was very therapeutic. I am not sure why I stopped?

So tonight, I guess maybe because I don't feel very well or ...just because I am missing my family right now... that I would like to share with you a sweet story that I found. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Good night

BENNY'S BALLOON

BENNY WAS SEVENTY WHEN HE DIED RATHER SUDDENLY OF CANCER IN WILMETTE, ILLINOIS. BECAUSE HIS TEN-YEAR-OLD GRANDDAUGHTER NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO SAY GOOD-BYE, SHE CRIED FOR DAYS. BUT AFTER RECEIVING A BIG RED BALLOON AT A BIRTHDAY PARTY, SHE CAME HOME WITH AN IDEA---A LETTER TO GRANDPA BENNY, AIR-MAILED TO HEAVEN IN HER BALLOON.

RACHEL'S MOTHER DIDN'T HAVE THE HEART TO SAY NO, AND SHE WATCHED WITH TEARS IN HER EYES AS THE FRAGILE BALLOON BUMPED ITS WAY OVER THE TREES THAT LINED THE YARD AND DISAPPEARED.

TWO MONTHS LATER, RACHEL RECEIVED THIS LETTER POSTMARKED FROM A TOWN SIX HUNDRED MILES AWAY IN PENNSYLVANIA:

DEAR RACHEL,

YOUR LETTER TO GRANDPA BENNY REACHED HIM. HE REALLY APPRECIATED IT. PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT MATERIAL THINGS CAN'T BE KEPT IN HEAVEN, SO THEY HAD TO SEND THE BALLOON BACKT TO EARTH--THEY JSUT KEEP THOUGHTS, MEMORIES, LOVE AND THINGS LIKE THAT IN HEAVEN.

RACHEL, WHENEVER YOU THINK ABOUT GRANDPA BENNY, HE KNOWS, AND IS VERY CLOSE BY WITH OVERWHELMING LOVE FOR YOU.

SINCERELY, BOB ANDERSON (ALSO A GRANDPA)

~Michael Cody

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." ~ Henry David Throreau

"Mourning is not the end of the relationship.
Our love for them does not die with them."