A Bigger Than Me Day!

Today I went to a Public Pool with Amy and the girls. It was fun being with them but as always it is tough to be in a bathing suit. I remember after I had my mastectomy, I thought I would never put on a suit again...then 3 years ago, I started Weight Watchers and lost 21 lbs. I felt better about my weight and thought that I possible could get the courage up to get back in a swimsuit. And I did, with my sweet Lauren by my side. She promised me that if my prosthetic fell out, she would just go get it for me! Now that is a good daughter.
Then for the past few years I have had pneumonia and so my Doctor asked me to stop swimming during the winter and flu seasons. I also have been going through Menopause and my body is changing once again and not in the way I would like it to.
 So this year, I decided to take a different approach for my health, thank goodness it is working and since July... I have been pretty healthy. Oh, I have had the flu and a cold every now and then but so far... I haven't had pneumonia. So I decided that I needed to get back in the pool this Spring, regardless of what I thought I looked like.
I have gone twice with a friend of mine, that has been fun but yet... I still struggle when I have to get into a swimsuit again. The mastectomy took much more that just my breast, it took alot of muscle and tissue out and so in a suit, it is much more noticable that I had surgery than when I have regular clothes on. When I decided to get back to the pool, I had to go to a special place to buy the swiming prosthetic and that was costly,  but the special swimsuit was even more. I have to admit that it sure seems that it costs a lot of money to have anything made special for your Cancer. I really don't like that, don't like the fact that someone is making money off of people who have this terrible disease. I can't even imagine how hard it is for women who don't have very good insurance or insurance at all! Doesn't seem quite fair doe it?
My dear friend who has had a lot more physical limitations, more than I have ever had; was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and had a mastectomy about a year ago,  and she has done it with such grace and courage... that I am ashamed to say that I have not been near as brave as her.
So today when I came home from swimming and feeling pretty sad for myself, I thought about her and felt ashamed that I even complained at all. I have so many things to be grateful for and I had the whole day with my sweet daughter and 3 beautiful and healthy granddaughters. I have many friends, who just wish they could have grandchildren.
And I am healthier than I have been in years... so I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and be very, very grateful for all my blessings!
With that said, I will get up in the morning and go back to the pool and try again! And I will be grateful for the chance to get up and have another day!
 I will also remember so many of my dear friends who have passed away from Cancer, and realize in their honor... I need to be grateful for every single day and make the most of it!
Today was just a Bigger Than Me Day, and I just needed to say that outloud and get to bed. Tomorrow will be another Beautiful Day and a GIFT!!!

Good Night dear friends!

Starting over and Just finished!

Today I went back to Weight Watchers. It has been over a year since I have stopped swimming and with that lack of exercise, I can see my body changing.It has been almost a year since I have been back to W. W.  The Doctor doesn't want me to start swimming until after the flu season is over. But I realized that I need to get this extra weight off before I even think about going back to swimming.
I should have kept going to my weekly meetings, getting out of those was when my struggles started. Since I am a life time member, I knew if went back and if my weight was over 2lbs of my goal, that I would have to pay. I just kept thinking I would wait until I got a bit of weight off...that was the problem.
So I knew today when I went in that I would probably have to pay, and I did. I wasn't over my goal weight that much, but I still knew it was time to go and get started. I am glad I did. One of the ladies that worked there 3 years ago when I first started, was back there today. I was sooooo glad to see her again, I think she was as much help as anything else in Weight Watchers. What a blessing to be with her again.

After that I went to Amy's and hung out with the girls. I finally finished Lee's afghan and got that mailed out today. It seemed to take me forever but actually it was only a couple of months. I am so excited for him to get it. Since they are still having Snow in Rexburg, he will probably still be able to use it.

Swim and Shampoo all in one!

Today was a hot day and so the girls and I decided to stay in... until this evening when it was finally cool enough to eat outside and then take a swim. Now me being the good Nana that I am, I decided why not just shampoo and swim at the same time...that would save on time (not sure their Mom would agree). At first the thought it wasn't a great idea, but it didn't take them long to start liking the idea themselves.

I also was able to start my 12 Days of Christmas projects today...it was 90 degrees out and we had Christmas Music cranked up...it was perfect!

I wasn't able to go out with the girls because Jenny has hand, foot and mouth disease. It is pretty common with young kids, I remember when all my kids had it. She doesn't have it near as bad as Audrey does, but still she is contagious so I couldn't take any chances. 

Since it was the first day of July, I decided to go to back to Weight Watchers today. It has been almost a year ago since I last weighed in. The first 6 months I had a hard time making my meeting because Lee, Lauren and I were all sharing one car with 5 different jobs. I then got back into swimming and busy doubling my hours at work and so I didn't really worry about weighing in since I was holding my weight. Then here came the last 6 months and I have been so sick that it was the least of my worries. But I promised myself before my birthday that I would get back there, see if my weight was off and get back on track. I have been struggling with my thoughts about my self lately so this is something I really need to do. I need to remember this quote more often! 

All about choices, again!

Today started out great, I had a massage and was able to quiet down some of the inflammation in my neck and back. I am telling you my massage therapist is AMAZING! I was still hurting from the exam I had to have on Monday through our insurance. I struggled to know if I shouldn't have stopped the chiropractor that was being so tough on me. I think if I hadn't even had too many neck issues...he sure would have given them to me. So for the last two days I have been in a whole lot more pain and frustrated because when I am sitting at the sewing machine  ( which is often, because that is my job ) it hurts a  lot too! So the massage was a welcome relief.
I had a great day at work and had a lot of wonderful comments on my new line of projects for It's A Girl!
Then on the way home I stopped into Weight Watchers to weigh in for the month. It has been 9 months that I have been on Maintenance and I have only gained or lost one pound ...more than once during that 9 months, I guess that isn't bad. Maintaning the exact weight isn't as easy as it looks. I knew the last couple of weeks that I felt like I had gained and ....sure enough I had. I gained 2 lbs and 1 oz! Now many of you may think that isn't much and it isn't in some ways, and in other ways it is!  2lb and if you don't get rid of that then you gain another pound or more back... and pretty soon it is 5 pounds or so.
So I need to make better choices and ones that I will thank myself for in the future! And I will!
Good night dear friends!

I finally reached my GOAL!

 Today I received my life time membership at Weight Watchers! I got a gold little key to put on my key chain and a congratulations on staying at my goal for 6 weeks. Plus, I no longer have to pay as I continue to keep my goal weight I know that isn't huge mile marker but....in my mind it really was. I felt empowered to do some things I haven't done in a while. I felt good that I stayed committed to it, I liked the feeling when someone notices it and tells me how nice I look. I like the way my clothes fit and I like probably the most, the good thoughts about myself that comes from it, especially since they seem to push out the bad thoughts more and more each day. I feel healthier and as a cancer survivor, that is huge to me, to make healthy choices. I actually have always been a pretty healthy eater but...now I am more conscience about the amounts and value of the food. So for me to receive my lifer status was big today, and I feel happy and very grateful that I was able to reach my goal.

So thank you Shirley and everyone else who has inspired me, encouraged me along the way! I couldn't have done it without you!

"Success is not a race, be patient.
Success leads to success.
Success is always a work in progress.
Success doesn't come to you--you go to it.
Success is a journey, not a destination. Focus on the process.
Some people dream about success... while others wake up and work hard at it.
Success is achieved and maintained by those who try-and keep trying.
Everyday is a good day to SUCCEED!
If at first you don't succeed-try, try again"

" I wake up every day with the realization that this is it, that there's only one shot at this life and I can either enjoy the ride and live it to its fullest and to my highest potential or I can stay the way I am."

Residual?

I was talking to Jeff the other night on our walk about some struggles I am still having with my self image. Even though I have lost 19 pounds with Weight Watchers and have kept that off for 5 weeks during my maintenance, still because I am no longer losing, I am struggling with what I see in the mirror. I talked to my Weight Watchers teacher about it, and she gave me some ideas on how to work on that. But I think that Jeff said it the best when he said " Lynn, you have come so far from your past and childhood, but still I think it is only natural to have some left over RESIDUAL... that you will have to keep working on from time to time." After looking up the word...

What does Residual mean?

Something left after other parts have been taken away

 I believe it is so true, these photos that I took while back in West Virginia prove that...

 This is a photo of my home where I lived from the time I was born till the age of 10.
 

 The good memories... that was my Aunt Ina's home, we lived with her. She was really like a Mother to me, she protected me as much as she could. I spent a lot of time in the attic apartment where she lived. My grandmother Johnson lived right across the street a few doors down and her home was a safe place for me.
Bad memories... That was the home where my other grandparents came and visited a lot. My grandfather picked me up from this home. There was also a lot of racial conflict at the time 1960's and so there were riots and a lot of things like that going on, especially at night.

 This is a photo of the building that used to be my Elementary School



 
Good memories...my best friend Kathy and I had a lot of fun together
Bad memories... I didn't do well at school and because of my abuse, paying attention to school was the last thing on my mind. So it was a place of huge stress! I seemed to survive in Art and Gym and that was about it. It also had a lot of racial problems in the school between the kids too, so daily I seemed to be in a fight before, during or after school.

  Ritter park, a park near our home.

 
Good memories...Jeff and I spent a lot of time here on our dates! We came here as college students and hung out and played tennis. After Jeff and I were married and Amy was born. We had her Birthday party here.
Bad memories...this is the park where we had my Grandfather's family reunions some time, not fun!

 This is a Root Beer and Hot dog place that we went to, it is a Drive In.

Good memories...it was always fun and I remembered how good the Root beer was. I especially remember how fun it was being in the car together as a family and doing something fun.

Bad memories...none really other than it was in West Virginia!
So I guess it it true, life is full of thoughts, memories, fears and concerns. I am grateful that I have lost the extra weight, and I do sometimes look in the morning and see a healthier Lynn and one who looks more accepting. Still there are days that I look in the mirror and see someone opposite of that. So, I guess that means I still have some residual left and so I will continue to work on that each day! Life is hard but I do personally know, it is worth it! Thanks for going down MEMORY LANE with me tonight! :)

"Simplicity is making the journey of this life with just baggage enough. " Charles Dudley Warner

Chocolate vs vegetables?

First of all let me say, that today I am feeling much better. My neck and back are still sore but I am making sure to keep my anti-inflammatory meds in me, and ice on my neck when I can. I am very grateful that it wasn't any worse than that and in a day or so... I will head to my Physical Therapist who is a spine specialist and have her check everything out. She had just told me last week how well I was doing after being with her for a year and a half, and we were now only scheduling appointments on a need to basis! Now I believe we will be seeing each other a bit more regular again! Oh well, like I said...it could have been worse, so I am counting my blessing.

After work today, I went to the store and while in there a lady in line spoke to me. Now that isn't unusual, I talk to everybody when I am in the store, but she started the conversation. She checked out when I did, and as we walked outside she began to tell me how nice I looked and then asked me if I have ever had healthy chocolates? I mentioned to her that I had been on Weight Watcher for 3 months and just hit my goal, and that I don't eat a lot of sweets at all. She then gave me her card and some chocolate and explained the type of chocolate it was and how many anti-oxidants it had in it. She also mentioned that she had recently lost 40 pounds just eating these chocolates! As I mentioned that I knew the importance of anti-oxidants but that I don't really eat a lot of chocolate, she then told me that you could eat just a few of these pieces of chocolates and they had more anti-oxidants than eating 20 vegetables. ( I had to laugh, for those of you who know me, I really like vegetables and actually way more than treats...yes even chocolates! So of all the people she could have maybe sold that chocolate to, too bad she ran into me.)

I guess I have always believed in the old saying..."NOTHING IS FREE IN LIFE" I don't want to eat chocolate instead of my vegetables and I don't want to lose weight just eating chocolate and not healthy foods and exercising. I am not saying the product isn't good, I just don't like anything that tells you ...you don't have to exercise or change any habits ...just take this and it will magically make the pounds melt away!

Anyway, I am grateful that I have finally reached my goal and really hope I can continue this way of life. I feel better, like the idea that my clothes are now big on me instead of tight. Most of all I like how I feel about myself, that is a big one for me. That is one of my greatest trials in life, loving and accepting myself. Having my weigh down, literally helps me be more self confident and enjoying life more. So was it worth it? Absolutely yes! It is a healthy way of life and I am great for Weight Watchers and the program that taught that to me, life is much better. Now that is sweet!

"When you get to a plateau, think of it as a landing on the stairway to your goal. And maintenance is a lifelong plateau, so a bit of "rehearsal" for maintenance isn't the worst thing in the world." 


 "Your past does not equal, nor does it dictate, your future."
 
"One definition of insanity is: Doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result." 

 "We can reverse years of damage to our bodies by deciding to raise our standards for ourselves, then living differently. Old wounds heal, injuries repair, and the whole system improves with just a few changes in what we put into our bodies and how we move them."

Positive thoughts

Tonight I went to a Motivational meeting, the topic was Positive thoughts. Here are some of the things that were mentioned...

-It is important to do positive talk with yourself ( and everyone used to think talking to yourself was bad :)
- When you have a set back, don't get discourage that happens to all of us sometimes
-Stay around friends and family who support you, not ones who criticize you
-Work on your self esteem
-Embrace flexibility
-Set up your environment to help you make healthy choices
-Start Victory journals ( even if it is just one accomplishment a day )

"Success isn't about luck, but rather about choosing to think positively and acknowledge accomplishments.

"One of the most significant findings in psychology in the last 20 years is that individuals can choose the way they think!   ~ Martin Seligman Ph D


So you are probably wondering where this meeting was? It was my Weight Watchers meeting. I just started last week, and I have to say ( being a motivational speaker myself ) I should have been going for years just to have such great and positive energy that they have there. It was impressive to hear people's stories and find out a bit about their lives and what they have overcome.
I know some of you might wonder if I really have enough to lose to go to Weight Watchers? Well, I do and even though it is not alot, I really felt like I needed to do it. My body has changed as I am getting older, and those extra few pounds are not getting any easier to get off. So I wanted to be pro-active and try to get on top of it before it gets bad.
 What a great thing for me, I love the accountability and I don't like to disappoint people ( not that the ladies that weigh you in care ) but still it seems a good fit for me.
Need to head to bed, but remember to keep those positive thoughts coming!
Good night dear friends!