At 8:00am today I met with my Doctor to get the blood test results and hopefully the full results of the biopsy. He called the lab twice while I was there, but still the results were not in. He told me he would probably call me before noon with the information and so the waiting began AGAIN. It is funny how priorities change when you are facing something so big, so life altering and so unknown. I normally want everything in my house to be in order to have the dishes done, dinner cooking and at least a few projects to be working on, but all I accomplished today was waiting and resting.
I was told years ago with my first cancer that if it was to return, you would know it by a few different symptoms. The first being extreme fatigue, I remember thinking well ...isn't that the symptoms for a lot of things? But now it does make more sense why I have not been able to conquer this fatigue and mono and almost anything else that comes my way. The biggest problem is that I am having such a hard time sleeping and eating...fear does some really tough things to your body. I keep telling myself that even if the news is worse that we than we think, at least we have a place to start...start studying, start deciding and start taking action on. So with that, I hope the results come in tomorrow. Maybe it will, because it will be Election Day!
Jeff has been working from home, one because we totaled our other car last week and we haven't gotten a replacement yet (another low priority) plus, he doesn't want me to be home alone when I get the news. When he is working from home many times he has to use our land line phone for his conference calls and so I can't get your calls when they come in. I know that many of you have wondered if we found out the news today. So as soon as we find out something we will let you know.
We are so grateful for the many meals, cards, calls and prayers that have been given in our behalf, thank you again. I pray that soon I can write more motivational things that will aid some one else on their journey through Cancer but, for tonight I don't have any great words of wisdom other than...hang on and the sun will come up tomorrow. I found a poem today that made me smile and I will end with that.
"IF YOU CAN SMILE WHEN THINGS GO WRONG,
AND SAY IT DOESN'T MATTER,
IF YOU CAN LAUGH OFF CARES AND WOE,
AND TROUBLES MAKE YOU FATTER,
IF YOU CAN KEEP A CHEERFUL FACE
WHEN ALL AROUND ARE BLUE
THEN HAVE YOUR HEAD EXAMINED, BUD,
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU.
FOR ONE THING I'VE ARRIVED AT:
THER ARE NO ANDS AND BUTS,
A GUY THAT'S GRINNING ALL THE TIME
MUST BE COMPLETELY NUTS.
For some reason this poem made me not only smile but realize that life is tough at times and very scary and that's ok.