Tragedy

 

I started off my day with a phone call from my brother this morning. He told me that last night one of my cousins died in a car accident. He a husband and father of 4 young children. My heart just broke when I heard that. How do you ever prepare yourself for something like that? I wished we lived closer, so that at least we could help with the kids or something. I do realize the power of prayers though, and so we will pray for his wife, children, mother and family. He certainly will be missed. So tonight, I will dedicate my post to my sweet cousin's family and all those who suffering and hurting this holiday season. These are a few suggestions that I found that might helpful.

If you have lost a loved one, you might be wondering how to cope with your grief this holiday season.

With the first fallen leaf of autumn, we begin to anticipate the holidays ahead. Our senses are acute and take in everything: the smell of turkey roasting and freshly baked pies; the holiday songs playing on the radio; the sound of laughter from our loved ones who have gathered together. But for those of us who are experiencing illness, grief, or the loss of a loved one, the holidays can be a time of sadness, pain, anger, or dread.

The ebb and flow of grief can overwhelm us with waves of memories, especially during the holidays. Grief will also magnify the stress that is already a part of the holiday season. How do we begin to fill the emptiness we feel when it seems everyone else is overflowing with joy? There are some strategies to help you cope during the holidays and beyond.

Strategies for Survival

Offer Yourself Some Grace
The best thing you can do this holiday season is be kind to yourself. Give yourself permission to feel whatever it is your feeling. Don’t fall prey to the belief that you have to feel a certain way or do certain things for your holiday to be “normal.” If you feel sad, allow the tears to come; if you feel angry, allow yourself to vent some steam.

Be Kind to Yourself
Get the rest and nourishment you need. Don’t take on any more than you can handle. If you need to be alone, honor that. If you crave the company and affection of others, seek it out. Do whatever it is that feels right to you.

Ask For and Accept Help
You will need the help and support of others to get through. Don’t feel as though you are a burden. People get immense satisfaction and joy from helping those they care about.

In times of need, other people desire to help but often don’t know how. This is the time for you to speak up and make your needs known. If you need someone to help you with meals, shopping, or decorating, tell them so. They will be delighted to feel like they are helping you in some way.

The same holds true for your emotional needs. Friends and family may feel uncomfortable when it comes to talking about your grief. They may think that you don’t want to talk about it and don’t want to remind you of your pain. Again, you will have to direct them in the best way to help you. If you want to talk about what you’re going through or just want a shoulder to cry on, let your loved ones know.

Find Support
Sharing your feelings is the best way to get through them. You need people you can talk to. Friends and relatives can be a great support to us during times of grief.

Stop the Comparisons
It’s easy to watch other families and compare them to your own. Seeing other families together and enjoying the festivities may make you feel deprived.

Remember That You Will Survive
As hard as it is for you right now, you will survive. You will make it through the holidays in one piece. It may be the most difficult season in your time of grief, but it will pass. And when it does, you will come out on the other side stronger than before.

"The best gift you can give anyone you love, even someone you have lost, is being true to yourself and living your life to the fullest. "

"Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death."

A year ago today!

I didn't write last night because I went to bed early with the beginning of a cold. My sweet little granddaughter is sick and I guess my immune system isn't as good as I thought it was.

It was a year ago today that I had my mastectomy. That is hard to believe. It has been one of the longest and hardest years I have ever had! But at the same time, there has been much learning, growing and blessings that have come too! I am entering my post from a year ago to those who are going through it for the first time and also to let you see my progress and to remind us... that time does heal things.

It was an emotional ride and I have to say that even today, it is still a bit emotional. Why?  Well, I am glad that I can finally accept what I see in the mirror ( it is hard, but I can ). I am glad that I want to be among people again (that took me a long time before I felt confident enough to go out in public). I am glad that I am slowly beginning to look and dream of the future. I am a bit sad though, to still be struggling with the side effects of the surgery and treatments. I am sad to still have to worry about my check ups and any thing new that happens to my body. Yet, I am grateful for the inspiration that I received to develop my RECNAC GIFTS and how they have been able to help many other survivors ( and hopefully that will grow and develop till they are available to all cancer patients out there). I am blessed to have met so many wonderful people along the way, (I know it was no accident that our paths crossed and for that I am grateful). I am grateful for the love and strength it has taught our family, I am so lucky to have such an incredible family.  I am also grateful to have had the chance to get closer to my Savior during this whole experience.  Yes, I have been blessed! So it has been a year to forget and yet, a year to remember.

Thank you for all of your help, cards, letters, gifts, meals, and prayers along the way, I couldn't have made it without you.

November 2008

The women that helped take care of me from the first procedure to the last, were amazing and some how I felt like it was meant to be ...that our paths crossed. Jeff teased me today and said "HOW MANY BEST FRIENDS HAVE YOU MADE, SINCE YOU HAVE BEEN HERE?" I did feel well taken care of but was shocked to meet so many women who were in there for cancer and to hear their stories. We all instantly connected and wished each other luck, it was sad, touching and humbling to say the least.

My spirits were high until I got ready to leave the hospital and first took a look at myself in the mirror, what a shock. My whole chest is wrapped with ace bandages so I actually couldn't see the effects of the surgery but my body still looks deformed already. I couldn't help but cry when I looked again in the mirror. How could this really be happening to me and how will I ever feel normal and good about myself again? I know there are many women who have gone through this and worse, but for today I am just talking about me. How can such a routine surgery now days, leave someone feeling so ugly, empty, sad and doubtful?

I am sorry to be so honest, but I know I need to keep writing  these thoughts to make sure that I just keep feeling things. Today every time the phone rang or there was a knock on the door, I kept saying"I just can't talk to any one right now and I don't want any one to see me like this." My sweet family act like I look just the same but wow that must be hard for all of them too. Jeff just keeps holding me and reminding me that these feelings are all normal and that we will all get through this together, but I can't even imagine that right now. Dear Shirley, my sister-in-law who has been with me through this all, has been a real trooper helping me get dressed, emptying my drains and trying to make sure I rest and get all the supplements I am suppose to take.

I wish I felt better and had a more uplifting entry today but this was my day and personally I am glad that it is over and pray that tomorrow will be a bit brighter.

"WHAT SEEMS TO US A BITTER TRIALS ARE OFTEN BLESSING IN DISGUISE" ~ Oscar Wilde

"MAY YOU HAVE ENOUGH HAPPINESS TO MAKE YOU SWEET, ENOUGHT TRIALS TO MAKE YOU STRONG, ENOUGH SORROW TO KEEP YOU HUMAN AND ENOUGH HOPE TO MAKE YOU HAPPY"

School and friends

When I was young school wasn't my favorite place to be but....my friends were there so I decided to stick it out. With my abuse came the feelings of no self worth and that I wasn't smart as all the other kids were. Maybe because my mind was somewhere else, maybe because I was just in SURVIVAL mode during most of those important educational years. So I would get excited every Sept to get new clothes and new school supplies (those were my favorites) and then I knew for sure that I would be in a safe place and able to be with my friends so...I guess I really did like school. (Just for the wrong reasons though)

Today was the last day of school for the High School, I have to say I am pretty excited. By the end of the school year I am so tired of schedules, finals and early mornings. I am looking forward to the summer and just kicking back a bit. Of course by the end of the summer I am ready for school and some structure in our lives soooo I guess it all works out quite nicely.

I got to visit with an friend that I haven't seen for awhile and her sweet kids, that was a treat. Friendships really do make my day, I realize that there are many struggles that I go through but life is much sweeter because of my dear friends. I feel like the past few months that I have been struggling with cancer that I have neglected many friends, not on purpose, but just because I don't have any more energy. I know a lot of people don't read blogs but that is my one attempt to let people know what is going on and that I still love and think of them.

"The only service a friend can really render is to keep up your courage by holding up to you a mirror in which you can see a noble image of yourself."
- George Bernard Shaw

Tonight is DATE NIGHT and so before I go I thought I would leave you with this great inspirational story that I found about a teacher, great insights in there for all of us. Have a good night!

The Parable of the Child
by Steve Goodier

"There is a difference between education and experience. Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it!"
But isn't it true that great learning comes from both education and experience? Let me tell you a parable:
A young school teacher had a dream that an angel appeared to him and said, "You will be given a child who will grow up to become a world leader. How will you prepare her so that she will realize her intelligence, grow in confidence, develop both her assertiveness and sensitivity, be open-minded, yet strong in character? In short, what kind of education will you provide that she can become one of the world's truly GREAT leaders?"
The young teacher awoke in a cold sweat. It had never occurred to him before -- any ONE of his present or future students could be the person described in his dream. Was he preparing them to rise to ANY POSITION to which they may aspire? He thought, 'How might my teaching change if I KNEW that one of my students were this person?' He gradually began to formulate a plan in his mind.
This student would need experience as well as instruction. She would need to know how to solve problems of various kinds. She would need to grow in character as well as knowledge. She would need self-assurance as well as the ability to listen well and work with others. She would need to understand and appreciate the past, yet feel optimistic about the future. She would need to know the value of lifelong learning in order to keep a curious and active mind. She would need to grow in understanding of others and become a student of the spirit. She would need to set high standards for herself and learn self discipline, yet she would also need love and encouragement, that she might be filled with love and goodness.
His teaching changed. Every young person who walked through his classroom became, for him, a future world leader. He saw each one, not as they were, but as they could be. He expected the best from his students, yet tempered it with compassion. He taught each one as if the future of the world depended on his instruction.
After many years, a woman he knew rose to a position of world prominence. He realized that she must surely have been the girl described in his dream. Only she was not one of his students, but rather his daughter. For of all the various teachers in her life, her father was the best.
I've heard it said that "Children are living messages we send to a time and place we will never see." But this isn't simply a parable about an unnamed school teacher. It is a parable about you and me -- whether or not we are parents or even teachers. And the story, OUR story, actually begins like this:
"You will be given a child who will grow up to become...." You finish the sentence. If not a world leader, then a superb father? An excellent teacher? A gifted healer? An innovative problem solver? An inspiring artist? A generous philanthropist?
Where and how you will encounter this child is a mystery. But believe that his or her future may depend upon influence only you can provide, and something remarkable will happen. For no child will ever be ordinary to you again. And you will never be the same.