Today was my 4th Physical Therapy for my knees. It was pretty tough but, I know it probably has to be to be able to get my knees strong as they need to be. I will have to be doing some of the exercises on my own at home on the days that I don't have PT. Came home and needed to take a nap. I am trying to go a day without a nap, but for some reason I can't. It has been almost a year since I finished my radiation, and yet the fatigue still is an issue. I wonder if other survivors took this long to recover?
Well it is late and in our home the Easter Bunny comes tonight...why? Well, when the kids were little we didn't want to get the true meaning of Easter, confused with the Easter Bunny, so... we had him come on Friday night and then we did the Easter Baskets and Egg Hunts on Saturday. Then we had all day Sunday to celebrate Easter. Now that might not work for many of you, but it has for us, so I need to head to bed and wait for the Easter Bunny!
"Spring is when life's alive in everything." ~ Christina Rossetti
Now most of my life when I heard the word RECALL, it meant something was wrong with whatever product they were recalling. Today though I learned another definition for it... reducing stress! Jeff got a recall from his place of employment. A month ago he got a 2 month noticed to be laid off by April 23rd, today he got that notice recalled and so now we don't have unemployment looming over us any more...like I said stress relief! I am not sure what the future will bring, since he was actively looking at other companies for a job. But either way, some of the stress and strain are off of us and that is a good thing! Now if we have other opportunities that come up we can make our decision based on something other than fear and desperation.
"If one advances confidently in the direction of one's dreams, and endeavors to live the life which one has imagined, one will meet with a success unexpected in common hours." ~ Henry David Thoreau
Today was my first day back to Physical Therapy. I started going 3 weeks ago and then got pneumonia, so I had to put everything on hold for a couple of weeks. I had a different therapist this time and I have to admit, I liked him better. He was very personable to everyone there, but most of all he explained everything well and seemed to be very knowledgeable .
I have always been muscular and so when I walk into a gym or Physical Therapy place, they think that I must be working out a lot to have such muscles (like in my legs). So today when he began putting me on machines, he put the weights up much higher than I could handle. When I told him that these calf muscles are only for looks he just laughed. Then I had to get serious with him and tell him about my back and neck, and why I haven't worked out in such a long time. He then said that we would go slowly. He then said " Hey let's try something Lynn, let's see if we can actually have you use these muscle, I believe that is what they are there for! :) I laughed but silently prayed, that none of the exercises that would be required of me, would do damage to my back or neck. The thought of any more daily pain, is something that I don't need. However, I did like the feeling of working out again, it has been a long time. I used to be a very active person and so today I actually got excited, thinking that I might be able to really use my muscles again and maybe get back in shape to some degree. Even though I came home tired, sore and worn out....I was excited.
It is late, but I just wanted to let you know that sometimes... when you think for sure you know what direction your life will take, things will turn around and you might be going in a different direction. I am grateful for the direction change in our lives right now, and for the blessings that have come our way. I pray the same will be a blessing to all of you who are struggling with difficult issues. I pray that you might get a recall from your problems, your pains or your worries. Good night dear friends!
"You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight" ~John Rohn
Obviously I needed one or two today, because I was at 5 different appointments. I started out at 9:00 am at the hospital for my weekly Physical Therapy apt for my lymphodemia. Those are always good for me, but make me feel drained, as she is moving the toxins around. Next, I had a quick appointment with my oncologist to see if he thinks there are any problems with the lumps under my arm that are still swollen.The Physical Therapist was a bit concerned. He really didn't think that they were an issue, he then mentioned that you can have quite a bit of pain and soreness up to a year after your last radiation treatment. If he was trying to comfort me, it wasn't working. He didn't seem real concerned but then again, he isn't the one hurting either. I don't mean that rude, but isn't it true? The one that is going through it, is the one probably more concerned and they are the ones who have to deal with the time factor. Like you can have symptoms and pain up to a year afterwards, yikes...I am only 2 or 3 months out. Time is definitely an issue, especially when it involves PAIN!
My third appointment was with a L.M.D. rep for FLEXITOUCH. It is a company that has developed this machine that basically does what my Physical Therapist does for me, except this is something I can do myself every day in the comfort of my own home. ( didn't that sound like a sales line? ) It massages you and then at the same time helps you drain the toxins out of your body. He was very knowledgeable about lymphodemia and he seemed way more concerned about me, as my Physical Therapist does. I wonder why doctors aren't that concerned about it? Maybe because that is not their job. Their job is the treatments or surgery, but a Physical Therapist are the ones that are trying to get you back to life, back to living without pain and so many restrictions. How grateful I am that my Physical Therapist was concerned enough to have Lance come in and let me test this machine out. It takes an hour a day when your lymphodemia is mild to moderate like mine. You have to do it twice a day if it gets acute.
This machine also would definitely be for PREVENTIVE from getting lymphodemia in my arm, hand, legs and etc. He asked if I wanted to see some photos of women and men who had acute cases? I said no thanks, I already know I don't want mine to get worse or spread any where else. Then I asked for the price, we have great insurance through Boeing, but the part that is not covered... is high. They do have payment plans and scholarship type of things so... we shall see?
I have sold things most of my life, I am actually not too bad at it either. But listening to Vance and his presentation was wonderful,he had all the facts and figures to help me see how wonderful this FLEXITOUCH machine is. I wondered how many men and women with lymphodemia, really turn him down? I kept reminding myself of the price, but then after a certain point, I thought "if it keeps me from getting lymphodemia anywhere else or having it get worse, how could I not invest in it?" Lymphodemia is a life long problem, it does not go away, it can just settles down, but it is a life long issue that you have to deal with. You don't grow back lymph nodes, once they are gone they are gone. That is why I didn't want as many as I had taken out.
I wonder what it is like to sell to someone that is hurting, someone who is sitting there for an hour and can't go anywhere accept listen to you? To sell to someone that realizes that their lymphodemia is going to continue to take more time out of our life? I mean, some times it is down right discouraging to have to continue to fight one more battle after another. Cancer was already a tough battle... but even after that, the fighting continues, it just is labeled something else. I have said more than once... that no one can afford to have cancer, time or money wise. Cancer can be a full time job in and of itself. With no securities or benefits, that can be discouraging at time.
A dear friend that I spoke to today said something that I thought was worth repeating, she herself has had a very trying life and had some huge losses in her life, one of her biggest was the lose of her son. As a mother I personally can't think of anything worse, but her sweet sister told her at the time of the funeral. "YOU CAN BE BITTER OR YOU CAN BE BETTER!" What a great and profound quote! That is certainly true about anyone's life, especially someone who has had more than their share of struggles. "YOU CAN BE BITTER OR YOU CAN BE BETTER" because of it. It is your choice! I know for sure that all these trials and problems are to teach us great wisdom and to help us to become better people, not bitter ones!
There are days that we might not accomplish that exactly, but we need to try and remember to be gentle with ourselves and to try and learn from our situations. Many times, even the worst experiences can be like treasure chests, with hidden treasures of knowledge, that will teach you sooooo much! So here I go again, down another curve in my road, uphill too! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers in my behalf, this has been one of the hardest journeys I have ever taken, plus one of the longer ones too. May we all be, more prone to examine the situations in our lives and then realize that we can either be bitter (why is it happening to me?) or better ( what do I need to learn?), it is our choice.
The last two appointments were for Lauren, she has come down with the flu! I am grateful for our doctors, physical therapist and others who share their concern and their knowledge that helps us get better and ultimately to teach us how to take better care of ourselves. Don't forget to look for those hidden treasures of knowledge. Remember..."KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!"
"THE SUPERIOR DOCTOR PREVENTS SICKNESS; THE MEDIOCRE DOCTOR ATTENDS TO IMPENDING SICKNESS; THE INFERIOR DOCTOR TREATS ACTUAL SICKNESS" ~ Chinese Proverb
"WHENEVER A DOCTOR CANNOT DO GOOD, HE MUST BE KEPT FROM DOING HARM" ~ Hippocrates
"MY DOCTOR GAVE ME SIX MONTHS TO LIVE, BUT WHEN I COULDN'T PAY THE BILL HE GAVE ME SIX MONTHS MORE" :) ~ Walter Matthau
I went in for my Physical Therapy at 9:00 this morning. For some reason the swelling has gotten worse. I am not sure why? I didn't lift anything the last couple of days so I am not sure why it is hurting this much. My Physical Therapist was as puzzled as I was. She is going to talk to the oncologist tomorrow and see if he knows why the swelling keeps coming back, so we have an appointment on Friday. She also is looking into getting a compression sleeve that also has a compression piece for the chest wall. The down fall is that it will have to be done once a day for an hour or so. I just smiled when she said that,because I already have a couple hours worth of stuff that I am suppose to be doing to help this poor old body every day, why not an another thing to do on! :) Pretty soon as soon as I get up and do all the exercises, massages and etc, then it will be time to do the ones that I need to help me go to sleep. I have got to try to have more of an exciting life. I know all of you envy me but...DON'T !
In all seriousness, I am sure things will work out. I was able to go to some of Lee's baseball game today and it was sunny outside too, that was a double blessing. I can't forget to count all of them. I found a quote today that went right along with my baseball theme. "PROGRESS ALWAYS INVOLVES RISKS. YOU CAN'T STEAL SECOND BASE AND KEEP YOUR FOOT ON FIRST" ~ Frederick Wilex
So I need to remember that... compared to 9 months ago, I have made great progress. I can go out in public and not feel so self conscious about my looks, I can enjoy some normal thoughts with out every one being bombarded with a new fear. I am starting to dream...just a little bit...but I am dreaming again. I am being able to serve a bit more and that feels wonderful. I am growing in ways that I am sure I never would, had I not experienced this trial. It has been worth the risk to make it to second base (beating cancer for a second time). I will keep trying, keep believing that life will get better and most importantly...trust in the Lord and in His timing and in His plans for me. Patience, not an easy virtue!
Thanks for being my cheering section, it means more than you will ever know! Good night!
"Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player." ~Author Unknown
