Today was a tough day all around. I felt like I was on a race and that there was no way I was ever going to catch up with the other runners. I started out too tired and that is never good. Jeff and Lee went to church early but I made Lauren and I late. That girl is never late for anything, thankfully she never got on my case or frustrated with me. I know she realizes that EVERYTHING is becoming an effort on days like these. I almost decided not to go, but each time I put forth the effort... there was always something important that I learned or needed and for that I am truly grateful. I read a quote from an author who was talking about running a race and compared that to life. One of things in this article that hit home to me was when she said, "I don't always need to sprint. Occasionally, it will be all I can do to simply face the finish line. Doing our best to move forward - no matter what speed 'our best' is - is OK." I do believe that sometimes, just heading in the right direction is good, even if you are moving ever sooooooooooooo slowly.
It is much more of an effort to control my thoughts of discouragement when I feel like this. I then try to remember all the things I have been taught and have counseled with other women for years. Our thoughts are powerful but....we are the ones that control them. I have a dear friend who is writing a book on this very subject, we have had many wonderful discussions about this and I for one... can hardly wait till she gets that book done. She also is going to do Seminars on it too, she is a counselor and one of my dear friends (it always helps to have one of those in your life!) :) So when she gets all that together you will hear me talk more about that. I think everyone could use a class on working on our thoughts and understanding how to be happy ....no matter what happens to us or what place we are in, in the race.
Today after church Lauren and Jeff left for Sequim, Washington to stay with some friends for a few days and go to Port Townsend. That is one of our favorite places around here and where we have done most of our family reunions. I am so glad that they will have some time together, but originally ( the kids are off for a 3 day Winter Break) we all were going to go until... we realized that I can't go anywhere. I can't miss RADIATION, I still have quite a few weeks left. Gee, when we were talking about this whole thing, I felt bad....not only because I couldn't go, but because of the effect that this whole CANCER thing is having on family. They have sacrificed soooo much for me, now I am asking them to sacrifice more. Some days I just want to run away from this cancer, these treatments and this cancer life and start over, but I realize that is not how it works.
But to end on a happy note, I walked out my front door and there on my porch this evening were beautiful flowers, just freshly planted by my dear friend and neighbor. She had removed all the dead plants from the winter and gave me all these beautiful flowers, that definitely changed my mood! I am telling you...there are ANGELS all around us. Lee and I took a walk this evening, the DR said that if you walk every day that it will help the fatigue. I can't say that it is really working for me YET, but it feels wonderful to be outdoors and moving. On the way back we stopped by my neighbors to thank her for my beautiful flowers and they invited Lee and I for dinner. So it wasn't a lonely evening like we were anticipated, that was a real treat! Plus, since my cooking skills having been used as much lately...I know for sure that Lee was REALLY grateful!
So I will continue on this race and remember to just keep moving. Thanks for being my cheering section, those always help the runners along the way. I will hang in there, I promise!
"Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.
- Napoleon Hill
"Though no-one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new end." - Unknown