I decided today that it would be more encouraging to ME if I said how many treatments I have left, instead of how many I have had. Someone asked me if I can feel the radiation treatment, no not really... but it is a lot like when you go to the dentist office and you are in the waiting room, you hear the drill going down the hallway and your teeth sorta hurt. It is not really happening to you ...but you feel something. Now I am not saying anything bad about my Dentist, because he and his staff have been wonderful. I was just simply trying to explain the sensation. (They are probably wishing that I could have come up with a better comparison...sorry:)
Amy and Angie drove me today and it's always a bit more fun with Angie around. When one of the staff said hi to her, she told them she wanted to go get her strawberry shake, it's good she said. She is talking about the ENSURE that is supplied there for us in the waiting room. She thinks that is great!
As we were leaving the hospital today I felt impressed to go by the office of SPIRITUAL CARE and make sure that they got the thank you note that I left them in the chapel on Monday. What a treat it was to meet the ladies there and to just personally thank them and the whole staff for the book that I received and for the whole chapel experience, it really has made a difference. Then later this evening I had the lady from the Patient Advocate staff call me and I really felt like she was going to make my voice heard, when I told her about some of the experiences and challenges I have had through this whole ordeal. Every one comes up with their own survival techniques when they are suffering, hopefully by sharing those ...someone else won't have to suffer quite as much. I pray that I can some how, help and truly make a difference. The changes that I would like to see aren't big but important and I feel necessary, in order to make life and the whole cancer experience just a little better the women who come after me.
This is my second battle with Cancer, I pray it will be my last... but I just know that I am suppose to tell my story, to try and come up with things and better ways that will help others through this terrible disease. I felt energized after talking to these women today ...why? Maybe because I feel like I am being heard. I don't mean to complain as much, as I just don't want other women to have to go through some of the same things that I went through. There needs to be more knowledge given to these ladies and options for ways to help heal the body and the soul.
I noticed today when I looked in the mirror how tired and worn out I looked. I noticed how WELL DONE my chest area looks, it is hard to even imagine that it can burn any more. I can tell that my whole body is on alert, because of the burn and the pain. It feels like it is working overtime to try and heal it. I really don't want to do 7 more treatments but I will and I pray with all my heart that it will work, that the microscopic cancer cells (if there were any left in there) are dead now and that my body will not have too many lasting side effects from the treatment. I know that I am in the trenches now and I am going to have to rely on my Heavenly Father and family and friends to finish the end of this battle.
I also know that my life will never be the same because of this experience, I really feel like I will be able to do more motivational speaking, finally get the book that I am working on finished and hopefully be able to be an active part of HEALTHY CHANGES that will be made for the women in the future. Tragedies seem to have a way of pointing you in the right direction, maybe it is because when something like this happens, your priorities change and so does your vision. You see life much clearer and realize that there isn't a moment to lose. Thanks again for everything you have done for me and my family. Good night!
"Discovering the ways in which you are exceptional, the particular path you are meant to follow, is your business on this earth, whether you are afflicted or not. It's just that the search takes on a special urgency when you realize that you are mortal." _____Bernie S. Siegel, M.D.
"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens" ____Carl Jung
"Vision is the art of seeing the invisible." ___Jonathan Swift