I thought that things were going well for our preparations for our wedding and Christmas.I thought for sure that I had 4 weeks to get everything done. When John said to me tonight that we only have 3 weeks left before Christmas I was blown away. It is amazing how fast & slow time goes, when you are doing absolutely nothing.
I felt a bit better and stronger today and that was certainly encouraging. It has been so long since I have felt even close to normal. I actually felt like straightening my house up a bit and putting in a load of laundry. I had two dear friends come by today and brought us dinner, which was a huge help and very appreciated. Then at 2:45pm Amy went to my Doctor appointment with me. Seem like the only social life I have is my Doctor appointments, this cancer stuff takes a lot of time, energy and money, no one really can afford to have it. I am grateful though that we have insurance coverage for MOST of it, it is unbelievably expensive!
The appointment went....how do I explain it? The Doctor removed my drain today. I knew it was stitched in and so I thought it would feel like having stitches taken out, I was wrong. The Doctor said "NOW LYNN, THIS IS REALLY GOING TO HURT BUT IT WILL LAST ONLY A MOMENT" and right after she said that she jerked out the drainage tube as hard and fast as she could. Reminded you of when you see someone trying to remove a tablecloth without taking off the dishes and silverware on top of it. Wow, it was like someone reached up in me and pulled something out (well I guess that is what she did). I am not sure how far the tube went up in me but man ,did it ever hurt. She had me hold a gauze on it with pressure to stop the bleeding and then remind me that it might be sore for a while since things have now been stirred up ,but it should settle down after a while.
So tonight how grateful I was to already have dinner made because I certainly didn't feel like doing anything except to lay down and hold my side. It is 10:00pm and I still have a deep ache and throbbing inside. I am certainly glad that I don't have to bother with that drain any more and I am certainly glad that I didn't know how bad that was going to feel before it happened. But it is out and hopefully there won't be too much drainage after this. I asked her what happens IF there is more drainage? Dumb question! She said that it backs up into a pocket on your chest wall and then she would have to drain it with a needle, but it isn't dangerous, she didn't mention anything about the pain. You know, I have a high pain tolerance but for the things that I have had to endure (pain wise) in the past 2 months have been unbelievable. There is no wonder my body is having a hard time healing.
I notice when I read the news online every day that there are so many people worried and concerned for what the future will be. It is going to take a lot of faith to make it through these tough times and there are so many really going through them. I think the best thing we can do for ourselves and others, is to have more faith and pray for a miracle. I guess that is why I love Christmas so much, it's all about miracles and the gifts that the Christ child brought to each of us. Even though Christmas is 3 short weeks away, I hope some how... we can enjoy every minute of it and realize the whole miraculous change that comes over all the world because of this beautiful season of love, hope and faith.
I will close with one of my favorite quotes from the movie MIRACLE ON 34th STREET,it is when his lawyer is trying to defend him Kris Kringle better known as Santa Claus if he is really real in the eyes of the court.
Fred Gailey: Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to. Don't you see? It's not just Kris that's on trial, it's everything he stands for. It's kindness and joy and love and all the other intangibles.