When the kids were little, every Christmas eve we would get together with their cousins and dress up and reenact the Christmas story found in the book of Luke. I have always loved the declaration that the angel made to the shepherds before the Savior was born.
Luke 2:10-11 THE ANGEL SAID UNTO THEM, FEAR NOT: FOR, BEHOLD, I BRING YOU GOOD TIDINGS OF GREAT JOY, WHICH SHALL BE TO ALL PEOPLE, FOR UNTO YOU IS BORN THIS DAY IN THE CITY OF DAVID A SAVIOUR, WHICH IS CHRIST THE LORD. In a book that I am reading called JESUS, THE VERY THOUGHT OF THEE by Robert Millet and Lloyd D. Newell, they remind the reader that the theme for Savior's life was to FEAR NOT, it began the night He was born and continued through His life. He promises to save us from fear if only we would put our trust in Him. But after two thousand years, do we still fear the cost of following Christ? His message cannot comfort us if we allow his peace to be overshadowed by our anxiety and fear. His saving message if for everyone. When we "fear not" and trust in him, we find safely, direction and peace.
Here is it the most wonderful time of the year and I am really struggling to find direction, peace and the ability to feel safe. Once you have had cancer, safe, direction and peace is a hard place to find. Almost daily you have to work on being safe about your thoughts and feelings, if you don't, your mind and thoughts can get carried away from you and before you know it you have lost the ability to LIVE IN THE MOMENT because you are too worried about the future, how long or short it will be. Cancer tries to rob you of so many things, it is a daily effort to stay focused and FEAR NOT! Direction...that is truly something that I need right now. I need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt, exactly what I need to do to keep this cancer from returning and be as healthy as I can.
You see, I know that many of you or someone you know, has had cancer and has probably had chemo, radiation and all the normal medication that are recommended and have done fine. But for me, I don't react normal to most things and can't take normally what is prescribed because of the crazy reactions of my body. When I was struggling with my gall bladder, many people kept telling me JUST TAKE IT OUT, IT IS AN EASY SURGERY AND YOU CAN BE UP AND GOING IN A DAY OR SO. I had surgery in February, I got pneumonia when I came out of the hospital and then mono soon after and I have continued to struggle with it for the last 10 months. So you see, what most people do...is not what my body does and so this decision for me, must be different. And in my heart, I would much rather do LESS than MORE. So I will continue to study, and pray and try to let go of the FEAR and trust that everything will work out.
I am grateful for this time of the year that really reminds me of this theme and for that little baby in a manger who has been such a guiding force in my life.
Thanks again for being my friends!
Whatever else be lost among the years, Let us keep Christmas still a shining thing: Whatever doubts assail us, or what fears, Let us hold close one day, remembering Its poignant meaning for the hearts of men. Let us get back our childlike faith again.
-- Grace Noll Crowell