Thursday, January 8, 2009

Dark Ages!

Sometimes I really think we still live in the dark ages when I hear the procedures that they want to do to Cancer Survivors. I know many of you think, I am way to much on the natural side and... that is true!  I would much rather do things that won't hurt my body or that have such unbelievable side effects or long term effects. I know many people just go with the flow and that is fine, but I am not one of them. I really need to believe, in what I am doing. There is just better energy when you believe in something and not fearful or so doubtful about it. I have wondered many times why I can't be like everyone else and travel the same path as everyone else has? It would be much simpler.  Maybe it is because this quote by Robert Frost is one of my favorites...

"Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference”  Robert Frost

I am sure many of you are saying...Yes, that could be part of your problem!" :)

Another quote I like is in Proverbs and it goes like this...

“A well-beaten path does not always make the right road”

So here I am still struggling with my decisions. I spoke Sunday to a couple of friends who just have recently fought Cancer,  their honest opinions about their treatments were discouraging to me. I went to another Dr. appointment today for a 2nd opinion and then started  Physical Therapy. So by the time I got home I was DONE ...physically and emotionally. The Physical Therapist told me that I was healing pretty good. She mentioned that I had good strength in my arm, flexibility and mobility is not as good but hopefully with her help that will improve soon. She mentioned a few areas that are sore because of the amount of nodes that I had removed and then told me that some the areas, she can massage them and that should help.

Before I left, she gave me 3 pages of exercises to do on my own ...twice a day. The soreness she said is because of those areas not healing properly and then she saw the marks that my bra made and how it rubs right on the incision area. She mentioned how bad that must hurt and of course ...I agreed. So my next step is to get back to Nordstrom to be refitted. I asked her if it is normal (not sure why I ever ask that question) to have this much soreness after 8 weeks?  She mentioned yes, because of this being the second time that they have gone in and worked on that same area and then she mentioned again about how many nodes I had taken out. So...even though it has seemed like ETERNITY to me that I have been sore and in pain, I guess I am doing pretty well.

I am struggling to drive, I haven't driven since my surgery. I am trying to do some of the regular things that I have been asking others to do. I don't know why driving wears me out so much? maybe just because I am out and about more and I know too it is because the seatbelt rubs my incision area. I have been trying to shove my coat under the seat belt, but that hasn't worked too well. My dear neighbor created a padded covering for the seat belt, I tried it out today, I loved the softness  but the pressure is still painful. Maybe we can pad it more?

Ok, I have got to get this on a more positive note before I head to bed, today was just tough!

The good news about today, is that Lauren ( my youngest daughter) turned 18 today. What a cutie she is! I asked many of our friends and family to write a favorite memory or story about her and the response was great! I got so many replies! I copied all of them and then printed them off to put in a book for her. So her card said something like this...IF WE COULD GIVE YOU ANYTHING...WE WOULD GIVE YOU THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU ARE LOVED AND WE WOULD GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO  SEE AND EXPERIENCE THE WORLD!  That wasn't it exactly ,but I think she got the jest of it. Her 2 presents that went with her card was...the scrapbook with everyone's thoughts and feelings about her ( I am going to try and add photos with that) and the 2nd gift was a set of luggage. I personally have always been a home body ,but I am thrilled to have my kids want to go out and experience and see the world. Many people remembered her birthday today, so she was happy.

Some day I am going to write a book about Lauren stories...I have enough of them and they are hilarious, any mom would enjoy them. Yes, she was by far... our most challenging, and unique child. I wondered how she would ever turn out, because she gave us such a hard time and yet she has been one of the best teenagers.  Her confidence has been a real asset to her throughout her life. She is who she is and loves it. How many people can say that about themselves. She has never worried about what other people think, (most of the times that is good, however there were times that it wasn't soooo good) she is strong and stands up for what she believes. She is witty to say the least, she keeps us laughing all the time ( a survivor technique in our home ) I admire my kids so much and I am so grateful that a lot of the junk from my past, didn't get passed down another generation. I have had to work hard to not to let that happen.

Well, I need to head to bed, thanks for listening about my day, I have written about this whole cancer thing for over 3 months now and even though it is not always up beat and positive is truthful and very therapeutic for me and hopefully enlightening some to you?  Bottom line is .... I am still a work in process. My life is a work in process, not that it is any different for anyone else, but sometimes it does help to know that at least one other person has struggled in that same area as you.

I will close with 3 more quotes that go well with my feelings today...




Good night dear friends.

No comments: