Today is my mom's birthday. It may sound weird but even though she has been gone now for almost 9 years, I still try to remember her birthday and teach my kids about her life. We talk about her favorite recipes, movies, songs or just funny things she said or did. I was the only girl in my family of 5 children, some would say I got spoiled for being the only girl, that's not exactly how I saw it.:) Like many of you, I didn't have the perfect childhood. Matter of fact I am not there is a perfect childhood out there, but I did have my share of struggles. For years I tried to understand and make sense of things that happened or didn't happen in my life, but as the years have come and gone, I now realize to take the good and make peace with the bad.
I knew motherhood was important, but I had no idea until I became one, what a deep profound responsibility it is. It touches you to the core. Whether you choose to make a difference or not in your child's life, you will ...though it be good or bad. I love the saying ..."When You Save a Girl, You Save Generations" by Gordon B. Hinckley. I actually believe and know that what we do as Mother's, has a profound effect on the future generations, so we need to take our calling as a 'MOM' very serious. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed about things that I should have done or shouldn't have done as a mom and then I remember this quote...
"I am not a perfect mother and I will never be.
You are not a perfect daughter and you will never be.
But put us together and we will be the best mother and daughter we would ever be." __Zoraida Pesante
I hope that my mom thought this way about our relationship. We both had things we probably should have changed, but I do believe we both did the best that we knew how. I think that the best way I can honor her, now that she is gone.. is to remember all the good things she taught me and pass it on to my kids and grandkids.
One of my granddaughter favorite things to do is pull out all my antique jewelry, she is always saying "what's this Nana?" On Monday she pulled out a bracelet of my mom's, I explained to her that it belonged to Grandma Lou ( her name was Ludy but that is many of her grandkids called her). Angie repeated a few times later that the bracelet was Grandma "Ou's", it was cute to hear her say her name. It also reminded me how much Grandma Lou would have loved getting to know Angie, she would have loved her spunk. The reason I know that, is because that is one of the things that Mom loved about Lauren, they were a LOT alike, just one was brunette and one red head! Most of the time, I call Angie...Lauren's name, they both are too funny.
I catch myself upset some times with people who still have their Mother's with them and yet they still don't get along or appreciate each other. Of course there are those situations when that isn't possible and the best thing is... to just disconnect from such a toxic family. But still there are many who have pretty normal Moms and yet they still don't seem to truly appreciate them. I want to share with them the wisdom that I learned AFTER losing my Mother. You can't change the past, you will probably never get all the answers that you need to make you understand why they did what they did. Holding a grudge isn't worth it,it actually hurts you worse. Wondering why life isn't fair, why some people get to keep their Moms longer than others will never have an answer. So if your Mom is still with you, please just appreciate that she is still here, try to accept each other where you are and most important be sure that you are the best MOM you can be, so the next generation doesn't have to carry any burdens that aren't their own.
I miss my Mom, but instead of being sad...I will be happy that I am her daughter and thankful for all the good things she taught me. Each year gets a bit easier, I guess that is why you hear the quote...
"Time is the only comforter for the loss of a mother." ___Jane Welsh Carlyl
So as Angie would say it "Happy Birthday Grandma Ou, we love and miss you!"
"WE CANNOT CHANGE OUR MEMORIES, BUT WE CAN CHANGE THEIR MEANING AND THE POWER THEY HAVE OVER US." ___David Seamans
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