I heard on the radio as I was driving today, a woman telling her story and asking for a song to be dedicated for her and her family. She mentioned that she had been in and out of the hospital for the past week, and tonight she and her family were a bit worried because the test results will be coming in tomorrow. The radio announcer was kind and compassionate and told her that she would pray... that everything would come out already for them tomorrow. I was grateful to hear this DJ not promise her that things would be alright, but that she would pray that they would be alright. I guess I like that better, because when we do that we are seeking for the additional strength we need from the ONLY source that can give it to us like that.
I remember well this time last year when I was going back in for additional tests. There were people that told me that they were sure that everything was going to be fine and that I shouldn't worry. Now having had cancer twice, I have learned that no one should predict your future...good or bad. I try to be way more conscience now, on how I respond to people. I know that they are worried sick about what the test result might be, it is the unknown that is unbelievable, and that waiting period is the worst. I remember how hard it was to decorate for Halloween because I was so nervous about going in for further testing. I knew what that could mean so I was already scared. I now know things like saying "I know for sure it will be alright or that you are probably worrying for no reason, are not something I should say. The truth is... we don't know what is coming next, but no one is offended when you hear someone say..." I will pray that everything will work out for you". Yes,everything will work out but it doesn't mean you won't have to go to you know where and back first.
This year as I am coming closer to my year mark, I have noticed that I am getting a bit nervous. I am not sure why exactly? Maybe because I am afraid that if I get comfortable and relaxed in my life that something will happen again like it did last year. Just when I was excited to be getting ready to celebrate 7 years on being cancer free, then it hit me again. I know that it isn't much of a life to always be looking over your shoulder to see if and when cancer is going to return. But it is also a bit nerve racking to stop thinking about it and starting to enjoy life again, it almost seems too good to be true. But I realize I need to start having more fun, start living more, start planning things more and pray (myself) that everything will turn alright. Life isn't probably ever going to be easy for me, but I just pray to be made equal to what ever task it is that I am to handle in the future. I also pray that I will not worry to much about the future and enjoy each day.
So for now, I will keep looking at this sweet baby of ours, and remember the small and simple things in life. Remember to stay in the here and now, so I can enjoy each minute of each person, each day and each season.
Thanks for letting me share my thoughts and feelings with you. What an incredible part you have played in my life and for that I am Eternally grateful. Good night dear friends.
"The problem of life is to change worry into
thinking and anxiety into creative action." ~ Harold B. Walker
Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen.
Keep in the sunlight." ~ Benjamin Franklin
"If you believe that feeling bad or worrying long enough will change a past or future event, then you are residing on another planet with a different reality system." ~ William James