I had to remember all these quotes (below) today. For the last week or so, my back has been consistently getting worse. I am doing my walking still, but the pounding on the ground when I walk is giving my poor joints a tough time. My Physical Therapist suggested last Thursday, that I quit walking and try to get back into the pool and start with aqua jogging first.
Ever since Thursday I have been worrying about it and wondering if I could really put a suit on and stick my swim prosthetic in and just do it? I did it last year before my accidents, when I was with Shirley but it was a bit different. First of all I was with Shirley, she is like a sister to me and so I could handle anything with her. Second .... I had just finished a year with my spine specialist and had finally graduated and felt better than I had for years. Third...it was at the motel pools that we were staying in each night as we traveled cross country...no one was ever in the pool and the pool was very little. So it was do able and after each swim, I would just take out my swim prosthetic, throw it to Shirley ( remember no one was there and she was sitting by the pool watching me ) and I got in the hot tub for bit to calm down my muscles...it felt great! ( Sorry if that put a bad mental picture in your head :)
Still I worried about it all weekend, trying to talk myself out of it. Thinking of all the reason I couldn't do it... it takes so much time to swim, shower etc....what if my prosthetic falls out and the whole pool has to stop. to help me look for it?... won't people notice that I look different? ...my left arm is swollen at the top, my chest wall is a bit caved in, what would people think? ...it costs a bit of money to do that each day and on and on went my poor thoughts!
Yes, I had all the reasons I couldn't go and even didn't sleep much last night because I was worried about how deformed my body looked. I know what you are thinking... and you are right, most of it is between my ears...but yet still very real worries to me.
It has been over 10 years since I have swam. I stopped after I hurt my neck, and it gave me migraines to do the crawl stroke and turn my head so often. So our goal now is to have me aqua jog for a month or two to get my neck and shoulders/arms area strong enough for me to swim again! How thankful I was that Lauren came with me, like Shirley...it helped to have moral support and she loves to swim! Once we got there and I didn't know anyone, that helped, and there was hardly anyone in the pool that helped too, and my prosthetic did stay pretty much in the area it was suppose to...so I did it! I was so glad that hurdle was behind me. Didn't do much else the whole day, it took a lot out of me...using muscles that haven't been used in a while. I pray that this will be the answer to my back and neck issues and will bring less pain and much stronger soon!
So I am heading to bed soon...hopefully tonight I won't have the bad dreams about everything that could go wrong in the pool tomorrow! Still I am going to get up, go again, suit up... prosthetic in and hit the water! Wish me luck!
Good night dear friends!
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