Monday, August 3, 2009

Feelings

Last night I noticed when I went to bed that my arm pit area and my chest wall was much more swollen. I am trying to do the drainage massage on myself but it is hard to do. I was suppose to get one of those suits that helps you drain it every day but I haven't heard anything back from them yet. it has been weeks since I went to my Physical Therapist to get it properly drained. The bump, lump or swelling that came up a week ago tomorrow, is still there and I am wondering what is going on? When I looked at myself in the mirror, I noticed more changes in my scar area....more feelings and more worries!  I like this quote by Maya Angelou and thought it was a good one to live by.

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
~Maya Angelou

Tonight I think this quote can go two ways, it can mean that people will never forget how good you made them feel or how bad or stupid they made you feel. As I talk to other cancer patients, I think the later is what they deal with more often when it comes to their cancer, their treatments and their lives. I have to admit, I am discouraged on how the Doctors treat you after they have done what they are suppose to do for you. When you are diagnosed with cancer you suddenly have all these doctor's and oncologist's that you are suppose to go to, one for radiation, surgery and chemotherapy. They are wonderful and very attentive to you. But when surgery is over, when all the treatments are over, there is no one to see except your regular physician. It is a weird and scary feeling. One friend of mine, was asking her oncologist right after her last radiation treatment  " so how often do I come back and have you do check ups on me?" His response was, "you don't come back to me, I would only see you again if your cancer came back." That lady was shocked, scared and angry. She couldn't understand why they just drop you like that? I believe it is partly because they have a whole line of newly diagnosed cancer patients waiting in line and they are busy.

Back to the quote, people will never forget how you make them feel! It is devastating enough to have cancer  but worse to not have something or someone to help you go from your last treatments to on with your life. There is still a lot of suffering and questions that  you have after all your treatments are gone. Who do you go to and where is the information on the side effects and changes you might be having? What is normal? What should you worry and not worry about?

I don't know, I am hurting and wished that I knew if all these changes on my body are normal or what? The unknown is the worst part. But I also don't want to go back into that arena of  "Yes, I am sure you are fine, sometimes the side effects from the treatments last a while. I have heard every thing from 6-8 weeks to over an year. That is a big difference in time!

I wish that I could speak to the Doctors, Oncologist's, Nurses and other Health care professional. I would let them know what the EVERYDAY consequences of cancer are. I would ask them why they went into the Health care profession? I bet it was to help people, and to make it so they wouldn't suffer so much. I would ask them if they still have that same desire, compassion and kindness to their patients today as when they first started their practice? If they say yes, I would ask them why soooooo many cancer patients feel these same feelings as I have? Alone, Confused, and a bother to them?

Yes, people will remember how you make them feel.  I know this isn't true for every Health Care Professional and in every situation because some of them have been wonderful, but I do think that some one should take a closer view of the whole cancer experience.There should be more thought into how to make those positive changes. Cancer is not over just because we left their office!  Just a thought!

Good night dear friends. Thanks for always being there for me!

"YOU CANNOT MAKE YOURSELF FEEL SOMETHING YOU DO NOT FEEL, BUT YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF DO THE RIGHT IN SPITE OF YOUR FEELINGS."  ~ Pearl S. Buck

"SO WHEN YOU ARE LISTENING TO SOMEBODY, COMPLETELY, ATTENTIVELY, THEN YOU ARE LISTENING NOT ONLY TO THE WORDS, BUT ALSO TO THE FEELING OF WHAT IS BEING CONVEYED, TO THE WHOLE OF IT, NOT PART OF IT."  ~Jiddu Krishnamurti