Sunday, July 26, 2009

Not fighting ...Just learning!

I was at my Homeopathic Doctor's office the other day, just for a regular check up. As we talked about how I was feeling and what concerns I was having for my health I said " I just want to make sure that I am doing everything I can to keep fighting off cancer."  He just smiled and said "Lynn, can I make a suggestion?"  "I wonder if you can think of a different word other than fighting, because that has some negative connotations to it"  He was right, I need to be as positive as I can and remember not to give CANCER any power. To fight something means that it has power, to learn about cancer and learn about my me back the power. The power to learn and the power to choose!

I found 2 days ago an area on my chest wall... that seems swollen, my first thought was FEAR and my second thought was How Long Will I Have To Fight Cancer?  So here I am two days later and the swollen area is still there, I have talked to my Doctor about it and I will just wait and watch it for a couple of days and see what happens and what I feel about it. I read part of an article written from a survivor (Jan Adrian, MSW) and I really liked some of the points that she brought up. I thought I would share part of that with you and also remind myself of what I can do.


"At the time I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I had been doing nothing to nurture myself for several years. Even after I was diagnosed, I was working much too much. It wasn't that work was killing me, but that I needed something else in my life besides work. I felt like it was the lack of something nurturing in my life that was starving me. I wasn't reading; I wasn't meditating; I wasn't walking on the beach; I wasn't going to the mountains; I wasn't going to movies; I wasn't doing any of that. This was a time of questioning what needed to be changed in my life, what would be nourishing to me. It was my most difficult period emotionally.

I also couldn't find a support group at that time in San Jose and felt very alone. Michael ( my husband ) was my only supporter. I ended up going to a conference for health professionals on healing, and Jungian analyst Jean Shinoda Bolen spoke on the subject of illness as a soul experience. I was very moved by her talk. I felt she was talking directly to me.

She talked about how we are spiritual beings on a human path, rather than human beings who may or may not be on a spiritual path. Up until that point, any treatment that had been recommended to me--chemo, radiation, mastectomy--was a treatment of the body only. I even asked one of my oncologists, "How are we going to treat the rest of me?" and he raised his voice and said, "Emotions have nothing to do with this."

I still have no idea what causes cancer, or how to cure it. Nobody does. Part of the blessing of a cancer journey, I think, is that we have to learn how to trust ourselves. Each of us has to find what works for us, and what our own personal path is. My own focus for now is more on the quality of my life rather than on the quantity. All of us are going to die. Death is not the failure. My purpose is to live until I die."


Thank you for all of you love, concern and prayers. I will make it and I will be fine, I just need to remember to quit fighting, start listening to my body better, keep learning and most importantly keep LIVING Yes, "Life is a journey, not a destination!"  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and sorrow is part of our on-the-job training. These experiences, while often difficult to bear at the time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others." ~ Joseph B. Wirthlin

"The way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life."           ~ Joseph B. Wirthlin

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