Then I had trouble with lymphoedema again this past year and needed to get treatment for it. After that the PT invited me to a Lymphedema Support Group. I wasn't sure about going but I did. I never went back but they keep sending me the invite for each month. I didn't mind at all, but decided I needed to be honest about how I felt about it, this was my letter to her.
Thought it was important to be honest with her and myself.
Good Night dear friends!
I won't be attending any more of the meetings for awhile, so if you want to take me off the evite list that is fine. I really enjoyed meeting you and the other amazing ladies. But one thing I noticed after leaving (the one meeting I did come to), is how anxious I felt again. I didn't really understand why until I got home and really thought about it.
First of all, I talked too much during it, mostly just joking because I found myself anxious to be among all those survivors. I have been to support groups and I think they are great when you are at certain points in your life. Then I have found there are other times, (when you have sorta moved on and started living life again) that it seemed like being at the Support Group, wasn't really supporting me any more.
I think that was it, the topic was great, you were great, the ladies were amazing... but as I sat there, it threw me back into the days when I was daily battling cancer and the fears that came along with it. I empathized with some of those ladies worries and fears, and it sorta made me scared all over again.
Cancer is a tough card to be dealt in life, but living... truly living after Cancer is even tougher. To learn to have hope, to learn to start dreaming or planning again, to learn not to look over your shoulder at 1000 times a day, wondering if Cancer is going to come back and threaten your life again... that is the tough stuff!
I have had Cancer twice, and twice I have gone on that roller coaster ride.. but now 7 years later since my last battle with it, I have gotten off the ride for most of the hours in a day and most of the days in a week.
Will I ever forget having Cancer, no I will never have that luxury as I put on my prosthetic every day. Will I ever stop watching carefully what I eat, to avoid negative thoughts and enegy, or stop being pro active in listeing, truly listening to my body? NO, but I am trying now to get on with Life, and have a life that my family can se, is more beautiful and fulfilling because of my experience with Cancer... but a life that is not all about Cancer any more.
I am glad that Donna from Martin Medical is coming to speak to the group, she is amazing. I would recommend working with her, to anyone. She has truly been a blessing in my life and she is passionate about the work that she does. Please tell her hi for me.
Thanks again for the work that you do and if something changes in my life, where I feel like I need to be back there with you all... I will be there.