Sunday, November 15, 2009

Once again....

I am still very sick and don't have a lot of energy to think, much let write. But as always when I try to think about what to write, I usually feel impressed about certain subjects. Today, I have really felt impressed to repeat my entry from Friday; maybe because I am so tired or because I feel so passionate about the topic, either way here it is ...ONCE AGAIN!

I have been talking to a lot of people lately, who are sad about choices that their kids have made. I do believe as a mom that is one of the hardest things to watch. It doesn't seem to matter what age they are, it still hurts a parent to see their child suffer physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. I was sewing tonight and listening to Delilah on the radio. Even though she is a radio disc jockey, she sure seems to be a lot more than that. She is a voice of reason, voice of compassion and a voice of "been there, done that...don't follow my bad example." She counsels people in their lives and she isn't afraid to tell it like it is, of course they call her for the advice.  She is honest but loving, and is not afraid to acknowledge God and everyone's need for Him in their lives. I don't know her personally, but I have to admit ...I do believe she is trying to do a lot of good in the world and I could only hope to have that much impact for good.

Tonight she got a call from a young teenager, who wanted a song dedicated to her mom. Her mom jumped into a 2nd marriage without knowing the guy, he turned out not to be what he said he was, and now because of the divorce and the financial burden...they are going to lose their home. The home that she was born in. I personally thought it took a lot for that girl to call and dedicate that song to her mom and to tell her that she loved her very much and together they would make it through this trial. That daughter seemed wise beyond her young years, it seemed that she could have had good reason to be bitter or angry.

So just as hard as it it for us parents to watch our kids make mistakes, I know there are times that our kids look at us and question why we make some of the mistakes we do? Habits and pride seem to have a lot to do with it. The bad type of PRIDE, the one that has to always be right, the one that is defensive, the one that is controlling. Yes, PRIDE can be a terrible thing. Habits are just what the dictionary says... AN ACQUIRED BEHAVIOR PATTERN REGULARLY FOLLOWED UNTIL IT HAS BECOME ALMOST INVOLUNTARY.  CUSTOMARY PRACTICE. A DOMINANT OR REGULAR DISPOSITION OR TENDENCY; PREVAILING CHARACTER OR QUALITY.  

We all come from different backgrounds and life's experiences, and that usually is what we bring into our families. The bad part is ....if it is toxic, harmful and dangerous, we have no business carrying it on to the next generation. I remember well the first day that Jeff went back to work when Amy was born ( our oldest ), my first thought was..."don't live me alone with her, I don't know how to be a mother, there were no instructions that came out with her"...yes, I was terrified when I looked at her and felt the full weight of my responsibility as her mom. It didn't take long to realize what baggage I had carried from my past and that it was threatening to ruin Amy's life. I had come from Abuse and I was scared of everything and everybody. How could I ever go any where with her, what if some one tried to take her or hurt her? Yes, I was a bag of nerves and quickly fell into a deep depression. A few months later I confessed my mental state to Jeff, and together we went to counseling.

I am the first to say that it was the hardest thing I ever did, to face my past and deal with it. But honestly every time I looked into Amy's eyes...I got a renewed strength and determination to give her the safest and best life a girl could have. I found a fight in me that has continued for over 27 years, I would protect my kids and family with my life. However, there is this thing called AGENCY and that is something even a mother... can't control. We can only be the best example to them and then pray like mad, that they will not have to learn too many things the hard way.

Another song that came on tonight made me think of this very subject. I will leave the words with you. I really don't know anything about the artist, but I did love the words and I would sing  them to each of my kids, my nieces, nephews, granddaughters, friends and everyone else I love....if I could.

I pray that each of us will look at our lives and the lives around us that we are effecting, and honestly ask ourselves... are there habits in my life that are unhealthy? Am I happy? Do I love myself? Do I take offense easily? Am I living the type of life that my kids would be proud of and would be safe to follow? Do I have anger that needs to be addressed? Can I look in the mirror and say I am proud of what I see and that I am doing all that can to be my best ...or could I do more and am I willing to CHANGE?

Look into  your sweet children's eyes ( no matter how old they are ) and recommit yourself to try a little harder, forgive a little more and to work hard at overcoming habits that are toxic for you and your family. I promise you it will be worth it!  They deserve it and you deserve it!


Yes, when you're feeling lost in the night
When you feel your world just ain't right
Call on me, I will be waiting
Count on me, I will be there
Anytime the times get too tough
Anytime your best ain't enough
I'll be the one to make it better
I'll be there to protect you, see you through
I'll be there, and there is nothing, I won't do
I will cross the ocean for you
I will go and bring you the moon
I will be your hero, your strength, anything you need
I will be the sun in your sky
I will light your way for all time, promise you
For you I will, yes yeah, yeah
I will shield your heart from the rain
I won't let no harm come your way
Oh, these arms will be your shelter
No, these arms won't let you down
If there is a mountain to move
I will move that mountain for you
I'm here for you, I'm here forever
I will be your fortress tall and strong
I'll keep you safe, I'll stand beside you right or wrong

Lay my life on the line, for you I will fight, oh
For you I will die, with every breath, with all my soul
I'll give my word, I'll give it all
Put your faith in me, put your faith in me
And I'll do anything...oh...
I will... oh...

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