For the past 3 years I have been having some pain in my knees off and on, I have tried hard to not complain about it and try to ignore it. Then last year, I noticed that it hurt a bit more to go up and down the stairs and that my knees were making noise at the same time. The past few months the pain has seemed to get worse and then right before my trip back East, I started feeling a tearing sensation when I would squat down and then it would burn for hours right under the knee caps. This past week it has gotten even worse and weak and so today I went to an Orthopedic Doctor to find out what was going on? I tried to wish it away but I knew I couldn't. I was even worried that it may be some kind of cancer in my bones, I have to do an MRI tomorrow to see more details but we don't think it is that. ( that is a common survivor's worry ) The doctor told me that the problem is in my knee caps and it is a common thing with women. ( I don't know why, will think to ask that tomorrow ) It is called Chondromalacia Patellae, it is where there is something that happened to the muscles or ligaments that call them to pull too hard or not hard enough. When that happens, the kneecap no longer glides easily against the thighbone. Pressure may be spread unevenly on the back of the kneecap, causing wear and tear on the cartilage. My kneecap is located too far to the right and that he says throws off everything. My gate ( or my walk ) is effected by that and that too... could be adding to a lot of my back pain. He also said that I had a lot of arthritis in both knees. The good news is that it is a common problem and usually the treatment is nonsurgical but includes rehabilitation and taking anti-inflammatories. The bad news is...he thinks my knee problem is more severe than what rehab could improve, and that I will have to have some type of surgery to correct it, then rehab.
So tonight, I have to say that I am pretty down and discouraged. We don't know all the information yet, but we are pretty for sure that I am going to have to have more surgery. It hasn't even been a year since my mastectomy...how can I be falling apart this fast? I just want to stop hurting, I want to go on with life, I want to look forward to things....I am not sure where to go from here?
Thanks for listening, I will get through this too, but for now...I am hurting, sad and afraid of what else I am going to have to go through. Life is tough, certainly worth it, but tough. I pray that once again I will be given the whatever it is going to take, to meet this next trial.
I wonder if the author of the nursery rhyme Humpty Dumpty was a kid who had a mother like me, :) it does seem like when we get one thing fixed ...something else falls apart. Maybe that is why I can relate to this nursery rhyme so much. Didn't say that I liked it but that I can relate to it!
Good night dear friends and thanks again for all your thoughts and prayers, heaven knows I need them.
I have to look at this card Lauren and Amy made for me and remember it is true!
"It is not a question of God allowing or not allowing things to happen. It is part of living. Some things we do to ourselves, other things we do to each other. Our Father knows about every bird which falls to the ground, but He does not always prevent it from falling. What are we to learn from this? That our response to what happens is more important than what happens. Here is a mystery: one man’s experience drives him to curse God, while another man’s identical experience drives him to bless God. Your response to what happens is more important than what happens." –Chip Brogden
"Adversity introduces a man to himself." --Unknown