Today I had Physical Therapy, it is always a good/bad thing. It feels good at the time but after she moves all the toxins around then I feel bad while those toxins are trying to drain. I drink lots of water to try to clean them out, but still it is always tough the rest of the day. I only have one more PT appointment with her and then I am on my own again. I am ordering that suit that is for my lymphodemia, I hope that I get it soon.
While she does my massage we always have wonderful heart to heart talks. She has become a dear friend to me, I am grateful for her compassion, that is not easy to find in the medical field. We talked a lot about our thoughts and how important it is to control them before they control you. I have 2 books that I have loaned out to a lot of people who are struggling with their negative thoughts. They really have helped me out a lot, so I would like to share a small part of one of the books with you. This book is called SLOWING DOWN TO THE SPEED OF LIFE by Richard Carlson and Joseph Bailey...
"A single, passing thought will rarely lower our spirits or create stress. The problem is that those harmless individual thoughts can easily multiply into thought attacks if we let them. Our thinking does to stress what water and sunshine do to our gardens: As we dwell on a thought, the object of our attention will grow in our minds. Then, with little awareness on our part, our discontented feelings will suddenly seem justified and real. We can transform a minor annoyance into an enormous source of stress if we think about it enough. This is why so many people get bothered by little things. Blowing things out of proportion can be a deadly habit." (end of quote)
Remember... it all starts with a thought!
I was suppose to go to have my mammogram today. It is usually expected for you to have one every 6 months when you have had cancer. I had a bad experience when I went right after my first cancer and lumpectomy, and so that thought came back to my mind as I set up the appointment a couple of weeks ago for today's mammogram. I personally never felt right about having that much radiation going into my breast every 6 months so I did it every year. I am not sure if you remember a post that I wrote not too long ago about fear of going to check ups? It talked about how normal it is for survivors to have stress attacks or thought attacks up to a week or more before their yearly exams. I have to tell you that is... so true, it is the worst feeling knowing that you are going back into the same arena where you found out that you had cancer. Not the greatest memories are there. For me it even goes a bit deeper than that, this is my second battle with cancer, plus for the two years before this last diagnosis, the cancer was missed and went undetected anyway in each exam. So on top of the normal fear, I have lost a sense of trust in the whole system I think. I cried myself to sleep a couple of nights last week, just thinking about my appointment today and so I finally realized that I needed to step back, face the fear and try and get my head in the right place. When I called Friday to reschedule the nurse talked to me a bit, not about my fears, but I did mention the lymphodemia and she suggested that I get that taken care of before my exam, because it could be painful. I guess I hadn't even thought about that, another thing to worry about.
So I will call tomorrow the surgeon's office and see if she will check out my lymphodemia and make sure that that is all it is! ALL IT IS... :) that is enough, but we need to make sure that some of those places are just swelling not lumps. It is hard to tell the difference. I don't know what I am feeling. I have never felt my chest wall before, I have always had a breast over top of it. There really needs to be more information of what I am feeling and what I am looking for. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER, why is that so hard to understand?
I am still a bit fearful for both of those appointments...the one with my surgeon and the mammogram, but I am trying to remember to let the thoughts pass and try to keep good thoughts in reserve for times like these.
I can't thank you enough for your encouragement, hope and love. It means the world to me. Life is tough and I appreciate all the help I can get. Hopefully I can do the same for you some day. Thank you again! Lynn
Consider the possibility...."CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW DIFFERENT YOUR LIFE WOULD BE IF, INSTEAD OF ALLOWING YOUR THOUGHTS TO MULTIPLY AND SPIRAL OUT OF CONTROL, YOU WERE TO SIMPLY NOTICE THEM AND LET THEM GO? YOUR FEELINGS OF URGENCY WOULD DISAPPEAR AND YOU WOULD BEGIN TO CALM DOWN. REMEMBER THAT YOUR THOUGHTS ARE JUST THOUGHTS. THEY CANNOT HARM , FRIGHTEN, OR OVERWHELM YOU WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT." ~ Richard Carlson and Joseph Bailey