There have been many times in my life as a mom that I realized the only reason that I accomplished and did some things, was because I was a mother. I already told you the mistakes I made trying to be a super mom, but I do think that I made some good decisions as a mom , not a lot ....but some.
One of those good decisions was to not let Cancer beat me or destroy my life. Since this is my 2nd time fighting this terrible disease there were some lessons I already knew and that helped ...sometimes. I knew that my kids were watching how I was going to fight this cancer. I have taught them their whole life that they are NEVER ALONE! That they have a Heavenly Father who loves them and knows them and that He will never give them more than they can handle. I taught them to never give up, to continue to have Faith and Hope. I taught them that there is something to learn in EVERY experience in Life, but some of them you might not totally understand right now.
So when my cancer hit ...yet again! I had to remember all these things that I taught my kids... and as their mom; I had to live them. Many of you have told me how brave and strong you think I am. Well, I would love to tell you that I am all that, but sometimes I really believe that the reason I try to keep getting back up and fighting is because of my kids and now... my granddaughter. I know that they watch everything I do and I need to teach them by living what I have taught. So I am grateful for them and for their ever watching eyes and sweet spirits that continue to bless my life.
I had a lady the other day asked me now that I am done with Radiation, if I am Cancer Free? I wish that there was some test that could tell me that but...there isn't. From now on if anyone else asks me that, I am going to say YES! I am cancer free, maybe it will only be for another year, month or day but whatever it is .... I am a MOM and a NANA and I can't quit and I can't let cancer ruin however many years, months or days I have left. I owe that to them. How grateful I am that I have a reason to get up each day!
I need to head to bed, but here is a little saying that goes perfectly along with my thoughts tonight.
WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING
WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING, I SAW YOU HANG MY FIRST PAINTING ON THE REFRIGERATOR, AND I WANTED TO PAINT ANOTHER ONE.
WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING, I SAW YOU FEED A STRAY CAT, AND I THOUGHT IT WAS GOOD TO BE KIND TO ANIMALS.
WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING, I SAW YOU MAKE MY FAVORITE CAKE JUST FOR ME, AND I KNEW THAT LITTLE THINGS ARE SPECIAL THINGS.
WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING, I HEARD YOU SAY A PRAYER, AND I BELIEVED THERE IS A GOD I COULD ALWAYS TALK TO.
WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING, I FELT YOU KISS ME GOOD NIGHT, AND I FELT LOVED.
WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING, I SAW TEARS COME FROM YOUR EYES, AND I LEARNED THAT SOMETIMES THINGS HURT, BUT IT'S ALL RIGHT TO CRY.
WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING, I SAW THAT YOU CARED AND I WANTED TO BE EVERYTHING THAT I COULD BE.
WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING, I LOOKED. . . AND WANTED TO SAY THANKS FOR ALL THE THINGS I SAW WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING. ___ author unknown
"Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words." __St. Francis of Assisi
"What can't be done by advice can often be done by example"