Tonight was Jeff and I's went to our second marriage class. The topic was about communication and how we as women and men are different in that area. The teacher tells a story of his Grandfather and Grandmother. The story took place at their 50th wedding anniversary and like always people asked them the traditional question...What does it take to make a good marriage? They gave some of the traditional answers but then jokingly someone asked ...What regrets do you have? His grandfather smiled and turned to his wife and said " I wished that you could have made toast without burning it?" " What do you mean, you like it burnt? " His reply " No, I don't I never liked it burnt, why do you say that?" Then she replied back and said "because when we were first married, I accidentally burnt the toast and I was worried about it, but...you ate it and acted like you liked it! "
The point and moral of the story was ...how many years has something bothered us that our companion did but we just bottled it up and tried to stick it out? Our challenge this week was to look carefully at our marriage and see if there is anything that really is bothering us, that we haven't discussed ( in a nice and calm manner, being respectful of your companion ). We need to learn to communicate!
Women typically need to use more words that men, typically our words mean different things such as...
5 mins...to a man that usually means 5 minutes but to a woman usually it means whenever I get ready or finished with what I am doing.
Nothing...When a man says nothing, he literally means nothing, when you ask a woman what is wrong and she says nothing, you usually know you are in trouble :)
Not all of these apply of course to each one of us but the point was that we need to accept our differences and validate the other person. Everyone needs and wants to be accepted and validated. If we could figure this out in our marriages, we would be so much happier!
It was a great class and once again a great reminder that marriage takes a lot of DAILY work and communication and respect! It also was good once again to remember that men and women are different and that is ok!!!!
"My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce." ~Joyce Brothers :)
"The most common mistake couples make while trying to resolve conflicts is to respond before they have the full picture. This inevitably leads to arguments. When people respond too quickly, they often respond to the wrong issue. Listening helps us focus on the heart of the conflict. When we listen, understand, and respect each other’s ideas, we can then find a solution in which both of us are winners." (Dr Gary Chapman, from the article, “Solving Conflicts Without Arguing, featured in the Summer 2007 issue of Marriage Partnership Magazine)