Bigger than me day again!

Today was a tough day for me. I was hurting so bad last night with my knees that I didn't get much sleep. Today with my knees and my back hurting, I wasn't worth much. So I just laid low. I did however have to do something today that I have been dreading for a couple of weeks. I scheduled my knee surgery for the end of January. I really don't want to have any more surgery, having them both done at the same time is going to make my down time longer. And then to make matters worse, Lauren ( my personal nurse ) is heading off to college. I always struggle to see my kids leave home, but I am grateful for her excitement about college and the opportunity she has to go. Plus, I have to stay focused on Brad and Krystal are coming home to do their internships so.... we won't be so lonely!

I spoke to someone this week about my cancer, it was someone that I hadn't seen in a while and we were just catching up. When I told her that I had a mastectomy, she said that she was surprised that I just didn't have both of them taken off, that is what most women do. If I had a dollar for every person that told me that...I would be rich. I have to remember not to take it personally, especially when it comes from someone that has never had cancer themselves. Then the next question is usually " Do you worry about it coming back in the other breast?" My answer is..it could come back anywhere and I just try to stay on top of the fear and let my faith sustain me. Of course some days that is easier said than done.

I really don't want to hurt any more, I realize I have to have knee surgery. Maybe we could have gotten by with Physical Therapy if I would have come in years earlier the Doctor said, but they didn't hurt that much back then. I am sorry to unload all of this on you tonight. I do however know that I need to face up the fears I have and that some days... it is ok to be a little down.

Thanks for your constant encouragement, friendship, prayers and most important for believing in me. I will try to remember to hum this song before I go to bed tonight. I have much to be grateful for. Good night dear friends.

"Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas"

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on your troubles will be out of sight, yeah
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the Yuletide gay
From now on your troubles will be miles away, oh
Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore, ah
Faithful friends who are dear to us
They gather near to us once more, ooh
Through the years we all will be together and
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bow, oh yeah, oh
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now, oh, oh
Faithful friends who are dear to us
They gather near to us once more, oh, oh
Through the years we all will be together and
If the fates allow, oh yeah
But 'til then we'll have to muddle through somehow, oh yeah, oh, oh
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now, ooh yeah, oh, ooh