Monday, February 27, 2012

Be you own hero!

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I personally learned this concept right after Amy was born and I realized in order to protect her that I was going to have to brake the generations of abuse that was in my family. As soon as she was placed in my arms, I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that I needed to protect her at all costs. However that was going to take great faith and courage on my part, I knew that it wouldn’t be an easy thing to do, I feared  how my family would take it. But the truth was, this abuse had been going on for generations and it had to be stopped. I realized that I had to fight this battle no matter what, no one else was going to do that.

The night that I told my parents, it was awful, all I could remember was the feeling of somehow is still must have been my fault. After my parents had left, I begin to doubt my ability to continue to  go through with this tough decision…I seemed to sense the gravity of what I was starting to do, and truly felt like I wasn’t strong enough to do so. Incest is like a weed, if  you decide to stop it ( or pull it up ) you have NO IDEA how many roots it has, or have far they have reached. So that is what makes it so hard, you have no idea how big the battle will be or how many years you will have to keep fighting.

For the first time in my life, I begged my Heavenly Father to let me die ( I was not thinking of suicide, I just wanted Him to take me right then and there) I told Him this was much bigger than me, I didn’t feel I could go through it. My parents reaction was one of blame on me, and how could I go on and tell the rest of the family. That night after my prayers I felt a sense of peace and in my heart I  felt like I could hear my Heavenly Father tell me  that it was not time for me to come home, and that I could and needed  be strong enough to break this silence of incest. He told me that there we generations counting on me, that there were other women who needed to see my example, and that my future children as well as Amy, needed a Mom who had great faith and courage. He then  promised me I could come home when my mission was over and that HE would hold me and protect me forever.

I can’t even explain the feeling I had after that connection, I knew this was my battle and no one else was going to fight it. I knew what the God expected of me, and I knew that no matter how hard it might be, that I was not alone in this fight.

That was one of the toughest things I ever did in all my life, battling cancer took a close second. But even though it was a long hard battle, there was a big separation in our family because of it, and to some…I was still the bad guy.  I can honestly say… I know that I did what God needed me to do, and my kids ( the next generation ) were protected and that was… worth any of it!  I encourage anyone who is being abused or knows of abuse…to stand up and fight it with everything you have. Ask for help, don’t be afraid. Abuse is wrong, it was 40 some years ago when I was a little girl, and it is still wrong today!

Good night dear friends!


Child abuse casts a shadow the length of a lifetime.  ~ Herbert Ward

The consequences of your denial will be with you for a lifetime and will be passed down to the next generations. Break your Silence on Abuse!   ~ Patty Rase Hopson

The only reason why child abuse is alive today, is because we as adults fail our children when we fail to listen to them. Listen to a child today!   ~  Heather McClane


Jean(ie) said...

Hugs! I met her the other day at the retreat. You raised a fine daughter, too! Such a treasure.

Lynn said...

That she is, thank you dear friend!

stephanie said...

Can you please speak in church EVERY Sunday? :)