A few weeks ago, I had mentioned that I had a few tests that I was concerned about. Now having survived Cancer twice, I am the first one to admit that just having Cancer...can give you side effects. I mean side effects other than the normal ones from the disease or the treatments. I am talking about the ones that happen in your mind and heart. If you were to ask me how often I think about Cancer now, compared to the first couple of years, I would say not often at all. Except when I get sick or find a lump or something that feels like a lump. Or if I get symptoms that I am not sure about or things like that. And I am sorry to admit but those side effects that come with them are the sick feeling that you get...the one that tells you that you can't do cancer again. The one that makes you sick to your stomach with worry, the one that makes all your thoughts focus on what MIGHT be wrong. The WHAT IFS are a terrible part of the side effects. A few nights before my tests, I cried during the night, I begged and pleaded with my Heavenly Father to either make everything come out normal on my tests, or if need be...make me equal to whatever trial I was going to face.
Yes, Cancer does have side effects of the heart and mind like that. I don't have them very often but when I do, it is quite paralyzing and it totally drains my energy. So yesterday, I got the call back on one of my tests (that I had really been worried about ) and it came back perfectly normal (those were the nurse's words not mine ). I felt like jumping for joy, I immediately went back to my Heavenly Father and thanked Him for this chance to continue to live life to it's fullest. I have two more tests coming up in the next month or so I am trying to find my Happy Place, so I won't worry too much about them. I am telling you, these side effects are real and so hard to battle. I realize they are normal, but I sure don't like them or the way they make me feel. I know a lot of people would say to me "Just don't worry, I am sure it isn't anything". Actually that isn't really comforting, because that is exactly what people said when I went back in 3 years ago for a return mammogram... and it did end up being Cancer again. The truth is no one knows, so probably what I would rather hear is something like..." Oh Lynn, let's hope it isn't Cancer again, I will keep you in my prayers". That is about all we all can really do for each other any way. We can't stop bad things from happening to our family and friends, but we can have faith and pray hard for them...that is one thing we KNOW that works!
So for all of you that suffered through my sad posts, and for those of you who kept me in your prayers...thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
I wish I could say, I am better and won't have those type of side effects anymore, but I can't. I do realize that every year, they get a little less intense, so that is hopeful. Yes life is hard but... I am still grateful to wake up each day and spend it with my family, friends and YOU!!!!
"Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can't prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you're presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power." ~ Blain Lee
"God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it." ~ Unknown