Up until this point, even though last week was a tough week...I have felt peaceful and confident in our ability to handle whatever happens to us. After ,we have been through a lot, but still we have come through it with more strength and a knowledge that God does live and does take care of us. However, when I woke up this morning...my heart was racing and I was overcome with FEAR! It felt like someone had turned on a timer or set a stop watch on us and the thought...."YOU ONLY HAVE 60 DAYS TO FIND ANOTHER JOB" was the only thought I could hear, then right after that, quite a few other crazy thoughts came racing through my head at such a speed I felt like I couldn't even control them. Now, I have studied much about Fear and faith, and a lot about controlling our thoughts, so I know for a surety that I could have control... but I would have to work hard to get it. I sat back down on my bed after Jeff left for work and just cried. I entertained the WHAT IF thoughts... for way too long! What if we don't find a job before the 60 days are over? What if my cancer returns and we don't have medical insurance? What if I can't get all our Dental and Doctor appointments in before April 23rd? What if we have to move from the area in order to get a good job? And on and on I went, for over an hour. I finally prayed, talked to some of my loved ones and pulled myself together.
Once again, I have had to remember to have FAITH, to trust my Heavenly Father (who has never let me down) and to be patient with the trials and challenges that lie before us. I am tired, I even said to someone today that "I have had better years" and her response was "but Lynn, it's only February". She is right, it is only February, so there are 10 more months for things to get better. Faith verses Fear.....not as easy as it looks! Thanks so much for all the calls and prayers (once again) going out in our behalf! We love you and are grateful to have you in our lives. Good night!
The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
That stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing.
The man who never had to toil
To rise above the common soil,
Who never had to win his share
Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man,
But lived and died as he began.
Good timber does not grow in ease;
The stronger wind, the tougher trees;
The farther sky, the greater length;
The more the storm, the more the strength;
By sun and cold, by rain and snows,
In tree or man, good timber grows.
Where thickest stands the forest growth
We find the patriarchs of both;
And they hold converse with the stars
Whose broken branches show the scars
Of many winds and much of strife---
This is the common law of life.