Well, I was totally shocked today when I woke up SCARED! Then came the tears...it took me a minute to try to understand what these feelings were and why they hit me so hard? A couple of things came to mind, my Doctor of the past 6 years is moving....I knew that and thought I had already wrapped my head around it; but then I started thinking that means we will have to get a new Doctor for all of our family, not just me. However, I am the hardest one to get one for because of being a Cancer Survivor and especially because I didn't treat it traditionally! Now I know DEEP DOWN in my heart that I will find the right one for me, but it just hit me that he is leaving and I have to start over. Gaining that type of trust in a Doctor...is no easy thing for me!
The second thing that I realized is....I have my yearly Cancer Check Up on Friday, and that always throws a bit of fear into my life. I know it is normal but I don't like feeling this way. To top that off, Jeff will be out of town that day and won't be able to go with me. They don't let him go in with me any more ( new office policy) but it is nice to know that my Knight is outside waiting for me. I have many dear friends that have offered to go..so I will be fine.
Two dear friends came by to visit me yesterday, what a blessing to have such wonderful Friends! They remembered that I was going in for my Check Up on Friday, and so they brought me a book it is called HOWEVER LONG & HARD THE ROAD by Jeffrey R. Holland. I decided after finally pulling myself together this morning, to start readying it and what a good idea that was!
I will only share a couple of things with you that I have read so far but they were pretty profound to me today!
It begins by talking about all the terrible things you hear in the news each day and how that can make one anxious. Then he quoted F. Scott Fitzgerald when he said " TROUBLE HAS NO NECESSARY CONNECTION WITH DISCOURAGEMENT- DISCOURAGEMENT HAS A GERM OF ITS OWN, AS DIFFERENT FROM TROUBLE AS ARTHRITIS IS DIFFERENT FROM A STIFF JOINT."
He goes on to say that the "germ" of discouragement is not in trouble, but in us. It's frequently a small germ, hardly worth going to the doctor for, but it will work and it will grow and it will spread. In fact, it can become almost a habit, a way of living and thinking, and there the greatest damage is done. As with any other germ, a little preventive medicine out to be practiced in terms of those things that get us down.
" The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining." ~ John F. Kennedy The Boy Scout Motto is " Be Prepared".
Of course there are some disappointments that we can not totally be prepared for, but he mentions that we need to face down those disappointments and see what it is that we are to learn from them, and then keep going. He mentions many people in the scriptures that had tons of disappointments but they turned them into successes, with the Lord's help of course...such as Moses, Noah and many others. They had hard things that they had to overcome and many disappointments. In the book of Joshua 3:5, Joshua tells the tribe of Israel as they faced one of their most difficult trials, " Sanctify yourselves: for tomorrow the Lord will do wonders among you."
Being prepared each day to see what the Lord will make of you is exciting, if we would just believe and not be so fearful. Trust in Him.
He suggest 5things in the book to be prepared... I know these and that is exactly what I try to do in situations like this...
Pray...really pour out my soul to God
Study the scriptures... learn from others who have been there or through something worse, and still they make it.
Serve Others.. .I have a strong conviction of this. I know when I am feeling down with myself. that I can change my whole mind set, when I forget myself and Serve someone else
Be Patient...yes, things don't always happen when or how I want them too, when I am patient the reward is seeing exactly what it is the Lord wants me to do or learn.
Have faith...I know that miracles happen every day. I know that the impossible becomes possible! I just need to have more faith! Don't let the What Ifs robe us of our Faith!
Anyway, other wonderful things happened today when I decided to cancel my Pity Party early and go out. I talked to one of my sweet nieces and one of my daughters today too, they offered a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, what a blessing that was. Then I went to lunch with a new friend, that was so fun. What an amazing lady she is! After dinner I went to Weight Watchers and sat with my friend ( who I met there a year ago ) and we talked about what did and did not work for us this year ( for our diet that is )! She has reached Life Time Membership too, and has been a great inspiration to me. So you see, I have much to be grateful for, much to be thankful for and much to be happy about..so that is what I need to remember on those Bigger Than Me Days! Good night dear friends!