Thursday, March 8, 2012

Battle wounds!

We have always told our kids about God, and also that there is a devil. We have taught them that it is important to know how he works on tripping you up, discourages you or fools you into a false sense of security going down a wrong path in your life. I don't really believe in the old saying  "The devil made me do it ", but I do think it is important (like going into any battle) to know who your enemy is, and what type of weapons or strategy they are going to use.
Life is alot like that, it is a battle of right and wrong, good verse evil and so we need to be prepared and go into it with our eyes wide open.
I had a discussion the other day with one of my children, we were talking about how differently we see things or react to things... because of our backgrounds. They talked about how (because they were protected and not abused ) their lives have turned out and how they don't have the same worries, concerns and heartache that I do. Then they thanked me for that. Now normally I would have been thrilled to hear that maybe I did something right in my parenting but instead, right after the conversation ( when I was by myself ), I just cried and cried. The thought that keep coming into my head was "You are still so broken Lynn". After a few minutes I stopped and realized this was just a thought, and then I tried to understand where it came from, instantly I said to myself " God does not say things like that to His children", as soon as I realized that once again Satan was working on my self esteem, I quickly thought..."No, you aren't broken you are just wounded." Just like many soldiers that go off to war who come back wounded. I tried to remember I had to be in battle for many years, so naturally I am going to have to keep slowing healing from my wounds.
Some days I wonder what it would have been like to have a fun, happy and safe childhood? I wonder what I would have turned out like, if I had had that?  I some times envy people who have had that and then I realized that is what my kids had. And that makes me happy. Plus, I have to remember that if I hadn't stopped that chain of incest, how many more generations would it have effected with it's poison?So I need to remember I still have some of the wounds and some times, without any notice... they get reopened a bit. But still I am home now, I am safe and I am healing little by little with the help of a great husband, wonderful kids, incredible friends and of course from my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
That is what I need to remember each time those terrible thoughts come in my mind. I am not broken,  I am a Survivor!!!
I pray for all of you that have wounds too! Don't give up, remember you can be a survivor!
Good night dear friends.


"In truth a family is what you make it. It is made strong, not by number of heads counted at the dinner table, but by the rituals you help family members create, by the memories you share, by the commitment of time, caring, and love you show to one another, and by the hopes for the future you have as individuals and as a unit".  ~MARGE KENNEDY

"Love makes a family."  ~GIGI KAESER

2 comments:

CaptainStrawberry said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AnnabelDetering said...

I loved post. I just got finished listening to "You Matter to Him" and some of the things you worte reminded me of the talk.
here it is if you're interested.

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/you-matter-to-him?lang=eng&media=audio