I had a Doctor appointment a few weeks ago and as I was sitting in the office waiting my turn, when a young women came in who was pregnant and very sick. As soon as she came in she ran to the bathroom to throw up, she came back into the waiting room but was hurting so bad that she could hardly sit still. Just a few minutes later another lady came in, she was probably about 20 years older than the first woman, and she stated she was the young woman's Mother. It made me homesick for my Mom when I saw her sit down beside her grown daughter and move the hair out of her eyes and rub her back. I felt like I was invading their privacy as I listened to her whisper words of encouragement, and yet you could still see the worry in her eyes. I am not sure if this was her daughter's first pregnancy or what, but still she was a Mother who cared and loved this daughter and I am sure... the baby that was inside of her. Yes, I have been blessed with an incredible husband, sensitive kids and the most amazing friends so that when I am sick, I am well taken care of...but I still miss my Mom!
Now I am a Mother of adult children, and it is a new role for me. It is hard know when to Mother and when to stay away. It gets more complicated when each child is different, so you don't treat each of them the exact same way. Then you add on top of that Grandchildren, who you naturally want to help Mother and some times that is ok and sometimes it isn't.
I remember when Amy was born and how inadequate I felt as her Mother. I had never been a Mother before, there wasn't any instruction book that came out with her and so I had to watch, learn and listen to my heart...to teach me how to be her Mother. Now 29 years later, there still isn't an instruction book and so ... I sorta feel like that new Mom again. When do I give advice? What boundaries should there be? How much do I help?
I have learned the hard way that you almost have to start over like a new Mom, you have to watch, learn and listen to your heart to know how to Mother an adult child. The only difference is that little newborn didn't tell you if you did something wrong, or if you should have done it this way or that instead...adult children do. Sometimes that hurts, only because that isn't what you meant to happen. But then again the nice part is that as adults, you can talk and work things out, so I guess it all equals out in the long run?
But as I remembered that Mom, I realized that no matter what...most Mom's just love their children sooooooooo much that they would do absolutely anything to help them. So hopefully there is forgiveness and a lot of patience, as we all learn how to handle the new aspect of our roles as adult children and Mothers.
"Mother's love grows by giving." ~Charles Lamb
"If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been." ~Robert Brault,
"Grown don't mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? What's that suppose to mean? In my heart it don't mean a thing." ~Toni Morrison