Today I went to a Public Pool with Amy and the girls. It was fun being with them but as always it is tough to be in a bathing suit. I remember after I had my mastectomy, I thought I would never put on a suit again...then 3 years ago, I started Weight Watchers and lost 21 lbs. I felt better about my weight and thought that I possible could get the courage up to get back in a swimsuit. And I did, with my sweet Lauren by my side. She promised me that if my prosthetic fell out, she would just go get it for me! Now that is a good daughter.
Then for the past few years I have had pneumonia and so my Doctor asked me to stop swimming during the winter and flu seasons. I also have been going through Menopause and my body is changing once again and not in the way I would like it to.
So this year, I decided to take a different approach for my health, thank goodness it is working and since July... I have been pretty healthy. Oh, I have had the flu and a cold every now and then but so far... I haven't had pneumonia. So I decided that I needed to get back in the pool this Spring, regardless of what I thought I looked like.
I have gone twice with a friend of mine, that has been fun but yet... I still struggle when I have to get into a swimsuit again. The mastectomy took much more that just my breast, it took alot of muscle and tissue out and so in a suit, it is much more noticable that I had surgery than when I have regular clothes on. When I decided to get back to the pool, I had to go to a special place to buy the swiming prosthetic and that was costly, but the special swimsuit was even more. I have to admit that it sure seems that it costs a lot of money to have anything made special for your Cancer. I really don't like that, don't like the fact that someone is making money off of people who have this terrible disease. I can't even imagine how hard it is for women who don't have very good insurance or insurance at all! Doesn't seem quite fair doe it?
My dear friend who has had a lot more physical limitations, more than I have ever had; was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and had a mastectomy about a year ago, and she has done it with such grace and courage... that I am ashamed to say that I have not been near as brave as her.
So today when I came home from swimming and feeling pretty sad for myself, I thought about her and felt ashamed that I even complained at all. I have so many things to be grateful for and I had the whole day with my sweet daughter and 3 beautiful and healthy granddaughters. I have many friends, who just wish they could have grandchildren.
And I am healthier than I have been in years... so I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and be very, very grateful for all my blessings!
With that said, I will get up in the morning and go back to the pool and try again! And I will be grateful for the chance to get up and have another day!
I will also remember so many of my dear friends who have passed away from Cancer, and realize in their honor... I need to be grateful for every single day and make the most of it!
Today was just a Bigger Than Me Day, and I just needed to say that outloud and get to bed. Tomorrow will be another Beautiful Day and a GIFT!!!
Good Night dear friends!