When I was diagnosed with Cancer almost 7 years ago, one important thing that I learned was that there would be days that are bigger than me or I should say bigger than my ability to handle them. I learned to just realize that they are going to be there and not to stress too much about them. I also noted, that if there were a lot of those days then I needed to worry about that and take action. I don't have a lot of them but I have seemed to struggle more than normal this past week and so I didn't write in my blog. Then a dear friend said to me, "but you should write about those days because we all have them and it is good to know that you aren't the only one."
How blessed I am to have such wonderful friends that continue to teach me. I have felt a bit useless just sitting around and napping so much, it seems like just doing some of the basics around the house even wipe me out. It has only been one week now that I have canceled everything, and I wish I could say I feel a 100% better and ready to take back on the world but....I don't. I am still very, very tired. I have finally given myself permission to just not worry about the laundry, food, dishes, bills etc for a moment and just go to sleep. I pray that this will really work.
I keep reading this poem that I have on my mirror and I know that it helps me realize the bigger picture of life, instead of dwelling on the problems that I am having right now. It goes like this...
"OUR DEEPEST FEAR IS NOT THAT WE ARE INADEQUATE. OUR DEEPEST FEAR IS THAT WE ARE POWERFUL BEYOND MEASURE. IT IS OUR LIGHT,NOT OUR DARKNESS, THAT MOST FRIGHTENS US. WE ASK OURSELVES, WHO AM I TO BE BRILLIANT, GORGEOUS, TALENTED, FABULOUS? ACTUALLY, WHO ARE YOU NOT TO BE? YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD. YOUR PLAYING SMALL DOES NOT SERVE THE WORLD. THERE IS NOTHING ENLIGHTENING ABOUT SHRINKING SO THAT OTHER PEOPLE WON'T FEEL UNSURE AROUND YOU. WE WERE BORN TO MAKE MANIFEST THE GLORY OF GOD THAT IS WITHIN US. IT IS NOT JUST IN SOME OF US; IT IS IN EVERYONE. AS WE LET OUR OWN LIGHT SHINE, WE UNCONSCIOUSLY GIVE OTHER PEOPLE PERMISSION TO DO THE SAME. AS WE ARE LIBERATED FROM OUR OWN FEAR, OUR PRESENCE AUTOMATICALLY LIBERATES OTHERS."
I first heard part of this poem on a movie AKELA AND THE BEE and I had to look it up and when I read the whole thing I was inspired! I realize that no matter what circumstances we came from, no matter what circumstances we live in today can determine who we are or what we can become. It is vital that we learn to be HAPPY and to realize who we are and what our purpose is in life. Understanding who I am, where I came from and why I am here, has made all the difference in my life. I know, I never would have chosen the things that have happened to me or the trials that I have gone through but... I have to admit they sure have taught me a lot of things, gratitude, patience, service, love, humility and on and on. So today will not be a BIGGER THAN ME day, I will be happy to be alive and spending some real quality time with me, myself and I !